Garrus Vakarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact - Consignment
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
I failed completely all three times I went in. I don't like falling. And I think I need to beat it instead of walking away, no matter how difficult it is.
I need to do something right.
I need to do something right.
It does. Not helped by some of them harassing new arrivals.
If it saves lives down the line... But point also taken.
If it saves lives down the line... But point also taken.
[He supposes he should stop assuming everyone on the crew is a human, considering one of his own roommates is a cat.]
FROM: bott.marco@cdc.org
It's usually just an expression. Not every married couple argues all the time. But you think Jean could feel the same way?
[It's not outside the realm of possibility. Jean has already been here for the better part of a year, and a lot can change in that stretch of time. With how chaotic everything has been since Marco found himself on the Neheda, he hasn't had the chance to spend as much time with any of his classmates as he had before, and so he hasn't heard so much as a peep of Mikasa pining from Jean.]
FROM: bott.marco@cdc.org
It's usually just an expression. Not every married couple argues all the time. But you think Jean could feel the same way?
[It's not outside the realm of possibility. Jean has already been here for the better part of a year, and a lot can change in that stretch of time. With how chaotic everything has been since Marco found himself on the Neheda, he hasn't had the chance to spend as much time with any of his classmates as he had before, and so he hasn't heard so much as a peep of Mikasa pining from Jean.]
It's what I imagine hell to be, if it existed. But I need to accomplish something, make some sort of progress, somehow. For me. So I can get over this feeling of failing.
One of my squad is dead. One is transferred. And I've hurt Shepard, possibly irreparably, by telling her I can't serve two commanders. I have to try.
One of my squad is dead. One is transferred. And I've hurt Shepard, possibly irreparably, by telling her I can't serve two commanders. I have to try.
Not as much, yet. But it's growing and it's far more than either of them sees coming. All they have to do is stop and think. Then they'll see it. But they're young. It'll take some time still.
[ And Garrus is right. Eren has the potential to become a Big Problem for her, and her unit. She knows that.
But her and Eren, and whatever it is that Garrus is talking about, those are two different things. ]
I understand.
There is someone here that matters a lot to me, but not in the way that you or Jean is thinking. [ Not exactly. It's complicated. ]
But her and Eren, and whatever it is that Garrus is talking about, those are two different things. ]
I understand.
There is someone here that matters a lot to me, but not in the way that you or Jean is thinking. [ Not exactly. It's complicated. ]
[So does that mean there's a chance for Jean there after all? But then what about Ino?]
I don't follow, but I'll take your word for it.
I don't follow, but I'll take your word for it.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
And what if you don't progress? Accomplish nothing? You'll just exhaust yourself.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
Shepard's a big girl, she can deal with her own feelings. If you moving on to bigger things is all it takes to cut her down, maybe this is the way it ought to be.
And what if you don't progress? Accomplish nothing? You'll just exhaust yourself.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
Shepard's a big girl, she can deal with her own feelings. If you moving on to bigger things is all it takes to cut her down, maybe this is the way it ought to be.
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
thanks for the discretion
[ even if one of garrus' messages will bury his already nonexistent chances later..... ]
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
what do turians do to relax? besides beat each other up
thanks for the discretion
[ even if one of garrus' messages will bury his already nonexistent chances later..... ]
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
what do turians do to relax? besides beat each other up
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
There’s a difference between the danger of a soldier’s life, and this. You know there is, and besides that, half the people here are supposed to be civilians anyway.
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
There are people like Hanna, who was never trained to fight before. And like Arya, who’s a child, and now she’s one of the missing. They ought to be far from this. They ought to be safe.
[ And yet neither one of them would have been any safer in their own worlds, anyway. D’Artagnan knows this. He knows both their stories, knows where they come from. His problem is that it seems so wrong to him, worse than dishonourable. Why is it that what’s right or wrong seems so meaningless here? Is it really such a strange thing to want to act on that basis? To want to defend, and protect people, because that’s what ought to be done, and not just because it’s a job? ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
Don’t tell me this is just how life is. We owe it to those we’ve lost to be better than that. For their sake, and for everyone we still protect.
There’s a difference between the danger of a soldier’s life, and this. You know there is, and besides that, half the people here are supposed to be civilians anyway.
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
There are people like Hanna, who was never trained to fight before. And like Arya, who’s a child, and now she’s one of the missing. They ought to be far from this. They ought to be safe.
[ And yet neither one of them would have been any safer in their own worlds, anyway. D’Artagnan knows this. He knows both their stories, knows where they come from. His problem is that it seems so wrong to him, worse than dishonourable. Why is it that what’s right or wrong seems so meaningless here? Is it really such a strange thing to want to act on that basis? To want to defend, and protect people, because that’s what ought to be done, and not just because it’s a job? ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
Don’t tell me this is just how life is. We owe it to those we’ve lost to be better than that. For their sake, and for everyone we still protect.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
We've got a vast array of ways, most of them having to do with weaponry. I like modding my guns. Then there's the sparring, and then there's, well, each other.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know it's not as casual for humans, so I'm not telling you to do that. There some sort of hobby you like? Something you enjoy working on?
We've got a vast array of ways, most of them having to do with weaponry. I like modding my guns. Then there's the sparring, and then there's, well, each other.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know it's not as casual for humans, so I'm not telling you to do that. There some sort of hobby you like? Something you enjoy working on?
[He knows. And he knows how tricky it is.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Not sure that unsubtle was my problem with it. They're my people.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Not sure that unsubtle was my problem with it. They're my people.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't know what happens if I can't manage anything. I've never had that happen before. I don't... I don't know, Noh.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
And she's been my friend through a lot, Noh, and I've been there for her too. Been at her side for basically the entire time she's had command.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Now she's not just not in command. I'm not following her. That hurts. She's a big girl, but I can't stop caring about one of my oldest friends.
I don't know what happens if I can't manage anything. I've never had that happen before. I don't... I don't know, Noh.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
And she's been my friend through a lot, Noh, and I've been there for her too. Been at her side for basically the entire time she's had command.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Now she's not just not in command. I'm not following her. That hurts. She's a big girl, but I can't stop caring about one of my oldest friends.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
That's what I'm thinking. I'll see you later, when you wanna learn.
That's what I'm thinking. I'll see you later, when you wanna learn.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know we need to do better. I don't know how. Slept the minimum needed. Trained only a little. Stood still only when at a post. Kept in touch with everyone I needed to. Know you did the same.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
What didn't we do that we should have done? What else do we need to focus on?
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know there's a difference, I know we need to do more, and half the time here neither of those things matter. We can't protect them any more than anyone else when there's nothing we can do.
I know we need to do better. I don't know how. Slept the minimum needed. Trained only a little. Stood still only when at a post. Kept in touch with everyone I needed to. Know you did the same.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
What didn't we do that we should have done? What else do we need to focus on?
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know there's a difference, I know we need to do more, and half the time here neither of those things matter. We can't protect them any more than anyone else when there's nothing we can do.
FROM: vasneema.talizorah@cdc.org
This is almost too much to take in. I mean, I understand what you're saying, but.
FROM: vasneema.talizorah@cdc.org
I just can't imagine Thessia falling, or the batarians just being gone.
FROM: vasneema.talizorah@cdc.org
The Admiralty Board ignoring the rest of galaxy because they want to shoot geth? I can imagine that.
[Maybe that would have been her a couple of years ago, but Sovereign? The reapers? That's bigger than their war, so much bigger. And ignoring it is a fatal mistake.]
This is almost too much to take in. I mean, I understand what you're saying, but.
FROM: vasneema.talizorah@cdc.org
I just can't imagine Thessia falling, or the batarians just being gone.
FROM: vasneema.talizorah@cdc.org
The Admiralty Board ignoring the rest of galaxy because they want to shoot geth? I can imagine that.
[Maybe that would have been her a couple of years ago, but Sovereign? The reapers? That's bigger than their war, so much bigger. And ignoring it is a fatal mistake.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I know.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I lived it and some days I still can't believe it.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I didn't come here by intention, but maybe I can change a few things from here. Help back home even as I destroy worlds.
I know.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I lived it and some days I still can't believe it.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I didn't come here by intention, but maybe I can change a few things from here. Help back home even as I destroy worlds.
[ yeah no not discussing that shit with raptormom, moving right along— ]
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
yeah I guess a gun nut like you would have that as a hobby
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
I'm the same way, sort of. can't use it as much here, but I do maintenance on my gear if I need to keep my hands busy
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
otherwise I don't know, never gave downtime much thought
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
yeah I guess a gun nut like you would have that as a hobby
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
I'm the same way, sort of. can't use it as much here, but I do maintenance on my gear if I need to keep my hands busy
FROM: kirstein.jean@cdc.org
otherwise I don't know, never gave downtime much thought
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
There's a library, if you're the reading sort. Music for dancing? I've got music. Or you could help me spin rope. I need to get to work on that.
There's a library, if you're the reading sort. Music for dancing? I've got music. Or you could help me spin rope. I need to get to work on that.
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