Garrus Vakarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact - Consignment
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
[He had not interfered in the spat between Honey and Nehada. Part of it had rubbed him raw on a level of principles; one woman who had climbed her way up having her sexuality insulted, discrediting her efforts and sacrifices. The other was a child, an emotional child, who should have been treated as an emotional child experiencing the hormones that every child experiences rather than an annoying, hopeless wreck.]
[But what had bothered him most about that exchange was that it was public, a sort of argument that people in roles of authority rarely showed against one another. The very probable explanation is that Honey just didn't care about what was being said and had no need to display her disagreements privately, but in the back of Niko's mind he wondered if it also could have been a well veiled attempt to gain sympathy, recruit more people into friendship with the lasting crew.]
[He had thought to tell Mothership that what she was told wasn't valid, but in the end he just kept his mouth shut, stayed away from the risk, and worked. It seemed the safest bet.]
[Though, probably, not a subject he would ever rouse. He figured knowing that they had learned to excel at killing people they loved was testament enough to what might be required of them.]
It is dealing in death, but legal. But I think barely legal. It is mentioned that they can not make us give up our worlds, so there is that contract. You break contract, they get what they want. You stop caring, they get what they want. You fuck up a little, you might hurt, someone you like might hurt instead.
But it is legal enough that they can make schools for it, if they have people here learning.
Normally I would say you could run, but you run from here, you kill everyone on the ship. And there are many other ships. I will also tell you that when you are the only survivor of a ship that goes down, with many people on board who did not want to be there, it is not a good feeling.
But you're right. That's exactly what it is.
[But what had bothered him most about that exchange was that it was public, a sort of argument that people in roles of authority rarely showed against one another. The very probable explanation is that Honey just didn't care about what was being said and had no need to display her disagreements privately, but in the back of Niko's mind he wondered if it also could have been a well veiled attempt to gain sympathy, recruit more people into friendship with the lasting crew.]
[He had thought to tell Mothership that what she was told wasn't valid, but in the end he just kept his mouth shut, stayed away from the risk, and worked. It seemed the safest bet.]
[Though, probably, not a subject he would ever rouse. He figured knowing that they had learned to excel at killing people they loved was testament enough to what might be required of them.]
It is dealing in death, but legal. But I think barely legal. It is mentioned that they can not make us give up our worlds, so there is that contract. You break contract, they get what they want. You stop caring, they get what they want. You fuck up a little, you might hurt, someone you like might hurt instead.
But it is legal enough that they can make schools for it, if they have people here learning.
Normally I would say you could run, but you run from here, you kill everyone on the ship. And there are many other ships. I will also tell you that when you are the only survivor of a ship that goes down, with many people on board who did not want to be there, it is not a good feeling.
But you're right. That's exactly what it is.
[Garrus looks down, delaying his answer slightly. He hates being vulnerable, hates it with a passion, but he hates what was done to him even more. If he can help someone else with it, maybe find a way to use it, then all right.]
Yes.
[A beat.]
It wasn't just the suffocation. I knew it was temporary and it didn't matter because everything was pain. I was hit in the face with a missile and I've never hurt as much in my life as I did today.
[And the same was true for some of his kids, some of his leapfrogs, one of his oldest friends, and very likely his lover as well.]
Yes.
[A beat.]
It wasn't just the suffocation. I knew it was temporary and it didn't matter because everything was pain. I was hit in the face with a missile and I've never hurt as much in my life as I did today.
[And the same was true for some of his kids, some of his leapfrogs, one of his oldest friends, and very likely his lover as well.]
[He's moving better today. It's still not as fluid as he normally manages, but when she finds him he's feeling turian, at least.]
Might not. Planet's got empathic things going on. Maybe it felt yesterday.
[Which is an odd thought. He glances out toward the woods, wondering if any of the neraki felt for any of the recruits. Probably not. The recruits had killed some of theirs, were intruders on their planet.]
How much light are we gonna need for this?
Might not. Planet's got empathic things going on. Maybe it felt yesterday.
[Which is an odd thought. He glances out toward the woods, wondering if any of the neraki felt for any of the recruits. Probably not. The recruits had killed some of theirs, were intruders on their planet.]
How much light are we gonna need for this?
Little. Once you have an idea of how to weave the stems, you can do it all by touch alone. Light's just convenient.
[ She shifts the burden of flowers and stems and vines and whatever else made up her not so precious, slightly wilted burden. ]
Outside or in?
[ She shifts the burden of flowers and stems and vines and whatever else made up her not so precious, slightly wilted burden. ]
Outside or in?
Sounds a lot like the day I had. [She steps slowly back towards her bunk and, opening the curtain properly, sits on the edge of the bed.] Only I didn't get to commune with nature, I mostly stayed indoors. Made my, uh, blood and my body one with the rover.
[She grins, coughs - she's learned the art of covering her mouth when she does that quickly - and then surreptitiously wipes her hand off on an already red-spattered cloth.] Kind of like that.
[It's better than it was, before the nanites. Tiny flecks, that's all.]
You know, it worked. This. [She gestures to the bloody cloth, and can't look at him for a moment.] There's not much I wouldn't do to stop it ever happening again.
[She grins, coughs - she's learned the art of covering her mouth when she does that quickly - and then surreptitiously wipes her hand off on an already red-spattered cloth.] Kind of like that.
[It's better than it was, before the nanites. Tiny flecks, that's all.]
You know, it worked. This. [She gestures to the bloody cloth, and can't look at him for a moment.] There's not much I wouldn't do to stop it ever happening again.
[Zelos looks down. He doesn't need to imagine something like that to understand it.]
Do you know why they did it?
Do you know why they did it?
If you're sure.
[he does as garrus asks. his movements are slow and measured. he'll have something set up outside, two chairs and a stump of a tree doubling as a table.
he'll greet him as he comes with a wan smile.]
Hope you don't mind being outside - I'm sick of staring at the rover.
[he does as garrus asks. his movements are slow and measured. he'll have something set up outside, two chairs and a stump of a tree doubling as a table.
he'll greet him as he comes with a wan smile.]
Hope you don't mind being outside - I'm sick of staring at the rover.
My people find being invited to eat outside horribly offensive, but I won't hold that against you.
[His voice is teasing as he carefully takes one of the chairs. Today is the first day he's ever felt old in his entire life, or how he figures it feels to be old - joints and bones and everything aching with every move.
After a moment he fills his cup from his bottle and takes the glass in hand, leaning back in his seat.]
It shouldn't feel this good to sit.
[The teasing is gone, now, his voice distant with edged subharmonics.]
[His voice is teasing as he carefully takes one of the chairs. Today is the first day he's ever felt old in his entire life, or how he figures it feels to be old - joints and bones and everything aching with every move.
After a moment he fills his cup from his bottle and takes the glass in hand, leaning back in his seat.]
It shouldn't feel this good to sit.
[The teasing is gone, now, his voice distant with edged subharmonics.]
No. I don't.
[And there's frustration in his subharmonics now. He can't even explain it to Zelos. They'd fulfilled what he'd thought they'd been supposed to do. Who sends people in without clear instructions?]
Which makes it meaningless.
[A whim. Someone decided they wanted to hurt the recruits, and so they did.]
[And there's frustration in his subharmonics now. He can't even explain it to Zelos. They'd fulfilled what he'd thought they'd been supposed to do. Who sends people in without clear instructions?]
Which makes it meaningless.
[A whim. Someone decided they wanted to hurt the recruits, and so they did.]
Even when you're far away and a ship you used to serve on goes down, taking many of her crew with her, it's not a good feeling.
[He'd felt the loss of the people on the SR-1 heavily, heavily enough it made him desperate and angry enough to try to bring justice to an entirely lawless space station.]
And even if running wouldn't kill everyone on the ship, even if we assume, somehow, that they wouldn't catch you, you're still abandoning every person you care about.
[They're trapped. They're trapped with a crew who will hurt people for the fun of it, who will give incomplete orders if even there was something missing in the first place. Maybe there hadn't been. Maybe they'd just wanted to make a point. The point's made. The recruits have no power and they can be hurt on a whim.]
At least criminals have a way out. They can leave, they can...
[Garrus hangs his head. Green team, protecting. What a joke. The hardest hitting threats are in their midst already.]
[He'd felt the loss of the people on the SR-1 heavily, heavily enough it made him desperate and angry enough to try to bring justice to an entirely lawless space station.]
And even if running wouldn't kill everyone on the ship, even if we assume, somehow, that they wouldn't catch you, you're still abandoning every person you care about.
[They're trapped. They're trapped with a crew who will hurt people for the fun of it, who will give incomplete orders if even there was something missing in the first place. Maybe there hadn't been. Maybe they'd just wanted to make a point. The point's made. The recruits have no power and they can be hurt on a whim.]
At least criminals have a way out. They can leave, they can...
[Garrus hangs his head. Green team, protecting. What a joke. The hardest hitting threats are in their midst already.]
[Garrus looks at it before shrugging.]
Outside.
[Not only would this be a little relaxing, but this way, if he's being watched more closely after yesterday's torture and anger, they can see he's not actually up to anything. Yet. The CDC will come down. Anyone who tortures someone for the fun of it will also come down.]
As long as you don't mind a telusa visiting. It'll probably see me and join in.
[He tilts his head toward a spot a little closer to the water and starts heading that way.]
Outside.
[Not only would this be a little relaxing, but this way, if he's being watched more closely after yesterday's torture and anger, they can see he's not actually up to anything. Yet. The CDC will come down. Anyone who tortures someone for the fun of it will also come down.]
As long as you don't mind a telusa visiting. It'll probably see me and join in.
[He tilts his head toward a spot a little closer to the water and starts heading that way.]
You can't run if they have something they want. Or they think you have something they want. I ran to a whole continent because some hard man thought I had his diamonds, but he found me. We have a whole planet that they think they own. They would follow us. A reputation of preventing people from escaping that they must maintain. It is worse here, yes.
Gliese says that everyone on the ship would die if one left. I believe her, it's common practice to punish everyone for the "failure" of a subordinate. Even if they tried their best.
[The point that has already been made, though.]
[But he does catch his meaning. Garrus doesn't want to abandon the ship, these people that he cares about. He thinks he's protecting them.]
Yes, they fed the idealists bullshit when they got here. To make it okay. They feed them bullshit to get them to go in the Black Box. Who knows. They might even believe it. The simple truth is, from now on you must pick who dies, who will hurt. There is no option for "no one". Ever. And you can't waste it on the impossible. Improbable, yes, but not impossible.
And if you fuck up, every person you care about might suffer. They might even ask you to do it.
Gliese says that everyone on the ship would die if one left. I believe her, it's common practice to punish everyone for the "failure" of a subordinate. Even if they tried their best.
[The point that has already been made, though.]
[But he does catch his meaning. Garrus doesn't want to abandon the ship, these people that he cares about. He thinks he's protecting them.]
Yes, they fed the idealists bullshit when they got here. To make it okay. They feed them bullshit to get them to go in the Black Box. Who knows. They might even believe it. The simple truth is, from now on you must pick who dies, who will hurt. There is no option for "no one". Ever. And you can't waste it on the impossible. Improbable, yes, but not impossible.
And if you fuck up, every person you care about might suffer. They might even ask you to do it.
FROM: red@cdc.org
i know its stupid to ask but are you feeling better
i know its stupid to ask but are you feeling better
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
You run a bootcamp, and you're gonna have trouble carrying one turian? Damn, Lydia, you're losing your touch.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Maybe when you're getting Joker into shape, I can help you get back to shape.
You run a bootcamp, and you're gonna have trouble carrying one turian? Damn, Lydia, you're losing your touch.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Maybe when you're getting Joker into shape, I can help you get back to shape.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Yep. That's me. Been eating too many flowers, not enough humans. I'll see about remedying that. Balance out the diet a little more.
[It's good to joke around when the inevitable is approaching. He can't ignore it, but he can pretend he's all right.]
Yep. That's me. Been eating too many flowers, not enough humans. I'll see about remedying that. Balance out the diet a little more.
[It's good to joke around when the inevitable is approaching. He can't ignore it, but he can pretend he's all right.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Hell, Shepard, if a janitor can be a cook, why don't you give a shot? Worst case scenario you do as bad as Gardner did with dextro.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Which was awful, by the way. Really don't know why I let a Cerberus guy try cooking dextro cuisine.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Wait, no. Now I remember. It was to get Chambers to stop offering to cook me something 'nice.' It didn't work.
Hell, Shepard, if a janitor can be a cook, why don't you give a shot? Worst case scenario you do as bad as Gardner did with dextro.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Which was awful, by the way. Really don't know why I let a Cerberus guy try cooking dextro cuisine.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Wait, no. Now I remember. It was to get Chambers to stop offering to cook me something 'nice.' It didn't work.
[She's injured and ill both, and Garrus is so angry, but he's even more angered by her words. Despite what it takes, he gets back up so he can close the distance and rest a hand on her covered shoulder.]
Don't. Don't, because we did what we were told to do. Avoiding it... Yes. I'd want to too. But don't let them break you, Tali.
[He gets it. The pain had been terrifying. What if thirty seconds was a lie, what if they weren't coming back on, what if this was it?]
They have a power over us. But I can't think of what we could have done differently. Which means that they could pull this any time, for any reason, and that giving in won't even help you.
Don't. Don't, because we did what we were told to do. Avoiding it... Yes. I'd want to too. But don't let them break you, Tali.
[He gets it. The pain had been terrifying. What if thirty seconds was a lie, what if they weren't coming back on, what if this was it?]
They have a power over us. But I can't think of what we could have done differently. Which means that they could pull this any time, for any reason, and that giving in won't even help you.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm prepared, yes.
[Not quite what Tsuna is asking, but it's all Garrus can give.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I think the cuff is going to go out. That you won't be able to breathe and that there's a lot of pain. Remember it's only thirty seconds, okay? Counting might help. Having someone near will help more.
I'm prepared, yes.
[Not quite what Tsuna is asking, but it's all Garrus can give.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I think the cuff is going to go out. That you won't be able to breathe and that there's a lot of pain. Remember it's only thirty seconds, okay? Counting might help. Having someone near will help more.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
It's done, d'Artagnan.
It's done, d'Artagnan.
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