forgivetheinsubordination | IC Contact

[He had not interfered in the spat between Honey and Nehada. Part of it had rubbed him raw on a level of principles; one woman who had climbed her way up having her sexuality insulted, discrediting her efforts and sacrifices. The other was a child, an emotional child, who should have been treated as an emotional child experiencing the hormones that every child experiences rather than an annoying, hopeless wreck.]

[But what had bothered him most about that exchange was that it was public, a sort of argument that people in roles of authority rarely showed against one another. The very probable explanation is that Honey just didn't care about what was being said and had no need to display her disagreements privately, but in the back of Niko's mind he wondered if it also could have been a well veiled attempt to gain sympathy, recruit more people into friendship with the lasting crew.]

[He had thought to tell Mothership that what she was told wasn't valid, but in the end he just kept his mouth shut, stayed away from the risk, and worked. It seemed the safest bet.]

[Though, probably, not a subject he would ever rouse. He figured knowing that they had learned to excel at killing people they loved was testament enough to what might be required of them.]

It is dealing in death, but legal. But I think barely legal. It is mentioned that they can not make us give up our worlds, so there is that contract. You break contract, they get what they want. You stop caring, they get what they want. You fuck up a little, you might hurt, someone you like might hurt instead.

But it is legal enough that they can make schools for it, if they have people here learning.

Normally I would say you could run, but you run from here, you kill everyone on the ship. And there are many other ships. I will also tell you that when you are the only survivor of a ship that goes down, with many people on board who did not want to be there, it is not a good feeling.

But you're right. That's exactly what it is.

Even when you're far away and a ship you used to serve on goes down, taking many of her crew with her, it's not a good feeling.

[He'd felt the loss of the people on the SR-1 heavily, heavily enough it made him desperate and angry enough to try to bring justice to an entirely lawless space station.]

And even if running wouldn't kill everyone on the ship, even if we assume, somehow, that they wouldn't catch you, you're still abandoning every person you care about.

[They're trapped. They're trapped with a crew who will hurt people for the fun of it, who will give incomplete orders if even there was something missing in the first place. Maybe there hadn't been. Maybe they'd just wanted to make a point. The point's made. The recruits have no power and they can be hurt on a whim.]

At least criminals have a way out. They can leave, they can...

[Garrus hangs his head. Green team, protecting. What a joke. The hardest hitting threats are in their midst already.]

You can't run if they have something they want. Or they think you have something they want. I ran to a whole continent because some hard man thought I had his diamonds, but he found me. We have a whole planet that they think they own. They would follow us. A reputation of preventing people from escaping that they must maintain. It is worse here, yes.

Gliese says that everyone on the ship would die if one left. I believe her, it's common practice to punish everyone for the "failure" of a subordinate. Even if they tried their best.

[The point that has already been made, though.]

[But he does catch his meaning. Garrus doesn't want to abandon the ship, these people that he cares about. He thinks he's protecting them.]

Yes, they fed the idealists bullshit when they got here. To make it okay. They feed them bullshit to get them to go in the Black Box. Who knows. They might even believe it. The simple truth is, from now on you must pick who dies, who will hurt. There is no option for "no one". Ever. And you can't waste it on the impossible. Improbable, yes, but not impossible.

And if you fuck up, every person you care about might suffer. They might even ask you to do it.

[There's a long stretch of silence as Garrus runs over Niko's words, and then he shakes his head.]

No. Maybe there isn't an option for no one, no recruits, right now. But I've seen places where we could make it be no one and we did. It's not impossible. The natives of the worlds we're sent to, there's no saving them. They're gone. But the recruits?

I have to pick my battles. I know this. But if I stop fighting entirely then I might as well just walk out into the ocean.

[He needs something to hold on to. Something that maybe he can't attain, but he can strive toward.

Garrus looks back up at Corvo.]

They can take a lot away from me. The moment they take me... There's no point.

See, that's the spirit.

[He has that smile again, except this time it fits. That smile that angles the lines of his already angry face into a near movie monster, a shark of a man when he puts his mind to it.] Now you know all this. Now you can keep your head. [And that was the good thing of having been through the life. Through a war that meant bullshit. You could cooperate because you had to, but you didn't buy all of it. For all this was terrible, it meant in some way Garrus was free. He had something better to work with than idealism.]

Morals are different in different place for a reason. Because somewhere people came to an agreement that is not law, one meant to bring peace. One to keep people from fighting over land or wives or whatever shit. Morals are meant to end fighting where laws did not. That's all they are.

You don't have to forget the morals of where you came from, but make new ones if they're not working.

[He leans back with a shrug.] It's a shitty way to live your life, friend, but I never once pretended that this life is good. Especially when there is no choice.

[Morals are different in different places for a reason. It sounds too easy. Too slippery. One could use that to say that becoming a predator on Omega is justified. That becoming a murderer here is justified, when it isn't. He has no justification for the neraki they'll slaughter. But Garrus will do it, because he can't let his homeworld be destroyed.]

It's not about making new ones. I don't think.

[His voice is quiet, words slow as he's thinking while talking.]

I'm still holding on to mine. What I will do for the CDC is wrong.

[He's becoming what he hates, and there is no turning back from it.]

But for my world and my people, I'll do it, knowing full well the line I'm crossing. [A beat.] Knowing that each and every one of us could be hit with this again for a whim. Or worse.

[He tilts his head, looking off to the side, studying the purple walls for a moment. What's even more, he knows now for sure that every last one of them is expendable if it proves a point.]

There's no choice, we're stuck, and life won't be great. There can still be moments of good.

[He has people he cares about, he's had moments here he'll treasure for as long as he lives. It's bad... but it's not all bad.]

Not exactly what I mean. Those morals are a part of your culture, too. You forget them completely, you forget why you're here. I hate all of this shit we do, I told you that much. But I have been hating the shit I have to do for a long time.

I really hate that it has made it easier to handle. But I also hate watching people... I don't know. They will go through the stages of falling for it. Some will embrace it, even as their friends are in pain. Some will hate it and do it anyway, and I will see them get used to it.

You do what you have to do to survive, but it bothers me to see.

[He clears his throat. This is a discussion they've already had, though, but seeing other people go through what they went through- a mostly innocent woman go through it. It's dragging up some old hatred again.]

What I do with my principles now is I stack them. If I can do the right thing, I do it. If I can't, then I do the next best thing. The most important to me is my family at home right now. To protect this crew is to protect them. Whatever comes after I decide as I meet it.

The next best thing.

[That really is what this is. It's not good, but it's the best that he can do. Compromise. Everything is compromise when nothing is straightforward. What's frustrating is that there are so many who would work with the instructors, who would have been willing to include them in their definition of crew, if the feeling had been mutual.

He'd fooled himself into thinking it could be. Garrus shakes his head and looks over at Niko.]

Do me a favor. If it ever looks like I'm being stupid enough to lose myself in it, to embrace this... slap me? I'm gonna survive. But if I wind up turning a blind eye to someone in pain, then...

[Another shake of his head.]

That's not who I wanna be. Ever. I can't fall that far. I wouldn't be me anymore. I'd suggest shooting me, but then that might get you in trouble you don't deserve.

Have you considered the most serious question here yet? I'm sure you have. But I have wondered it for a long time.

What if they ask me to? [Shoot him, he means.] I like you pretty good, especially for a cop. [A cop that looks kind of like a cat-bug.] But if I am asked to, I would probably do it.

I would get it if you defended yourself, and if they asked you to go after me, I'd get that, too.

We're not Red.

[It's not really something he can feel safe from, but it's true.]

The two people from my universe who went Red? Assassins. Shinobu? Assassin. Kakashi, Uchiha, Yamanaka? Ninja assassins. All Red. Team goal is to solve problems, I got told. Green's mission is to protect.

What I'm saying isn't that the order to kill me will never come.

[Because it might. As much as he tries to be careful, there's always a chance he'll slip up.]

But I'm saying you're not likely to get it. And I'm not likely to get that order either.

Don't completely rule things out. You know how groups must occasionally work.

[And if Niko's mission is to protect a Red? He would have to do what he would have to do.] Always be ready for the worst. In the meantime you got good friends so enjoy the best. You need it. You been through shit.

That's why I said not likely. Didn't say impossible. If it happens...

[Shit. He doesn't know. Would he kill someone to save his own skin for a few minutes? ...Probably. Very probably. Certainly it would depend on who was sent, but Garrus already gave his life easily once. It's not going to happen again.]

I'll deal with it then. Until then... Yeah. I've got good friends.

[And a lot of them are hurting. He'll do what he can for them.]

Thanks, Niko. And thanks for being there for Tali. She means a lot to me.

I think I embarrassed her a little bit. She has never seen me be serious before. [But he did what had made him feel better back when he was wounded as a child, what made his mother feel better after his father had laid into her.] And I don't think she wanted me to see her like that.

She said she would tell Shepard, though.

[He knew they were both Shepard's, but little more than that. Same crew, anyway. He didn't know how close they were. But the more to look after her the better.] It would be better if you looked in on her.

No one wants to be seen like that.

[Writhing, unable to control yourself, bleeding... No. No one wants anyone to remember this image of them.]

And don't worry. I'll be checking on her. Or she'll beat me to it, one of the two. Either way, we've got each other covered.

I guess not. Even if I've seen much worse.

[He frowns to himself.] Should I leave you to rest? You've been through some shit today. Or if you want a good story, I could tell you what happened to the last asshole I work for.

It might be good to hear.

[He's tired, but at the same time, he could go for a story. It sounds promising, too, the way Niko phrases here.]

You mind if...

[This isn't easy. He takes a breath before continuing.]

Mind if I lay down while you tell the story?

Go ahead. Consider it a bedtime story.

[He settles in, leaning forward and steepling his fingers together.] I was never really the type to "settle down" with one boss. It was just too bad a business to commit all the way to, even if I got pulled in and couldn't pull myself out.

So when I went to Liberty City and got pulled in, there was this chain of asshole bosses I worked for. Eventually a stronger guy would get pissed at another, higher up in the chain of command, and have me kill the guy I used to work for.

There was this one, though, who dicked me over. I never could corner him but he was making my life a living hell.

There was this collection of old families operating out of Liberty City. "The Commission." I eventually ended up working for one of the guys in the Commission in secret, he had ties to the American government, Gravelli. At the same time, I am working for this asshole who wants into the Commission, Pegorino. I think it is called "delusions of grandeur". He thought he was important, but he paid. All the while the guy I know on the Commission is just laughing because he thinks the whole thing is funny. And Pegorino, he keeps doing things like hiring me to kill guys that work for him, even killing a guy that he is supposed to love like a son.

Well, I finally got what I came to Liberty City for, and I was technically out. But Pegorino, he comes and tells me that he has one last job. But the piece of shit is working with the guy who has been harassing me for months.

I got two choices. Take the money and make my cousin happy because he will never want for anything again. Or, get rid of the guy that is harassing me because I know he will keep it up, and just not do the job at all.

[Garrus gingerly climbs into bed, resting his head on the pillow with far more relief than he ever shows. He's weak and sore. All he can be thankful for is that Niko doesn't seem like he'll be judging Garrus for giving in to some of it.

Once he's settled, he can really focus on what Niko is saying. The description fits the crime world, everyone always trying to displace each other, to be a bigger predator in a limited pond but not so big that anyone pays too much attention and takes them down.]

What did you do?

[He'll lean toward killing the guy until he has an answer. Sure, it's not financially practical, but there will always be more jobs. Then again, if the story was to apply to here, the other would more likely be the answer.]

A thing like that was not so easy a choice. I thought about it. On one hand, I could settle my cousin and make sure the last of his debts were covered. On the other, I could stop a man I was certain would not leave us alone, quit the life.

So I killed the guy that was harassing me.

I asked the woman that I loved to go to my cousin's wedding. To me, it wasn't just a celebration of their union, but that I could freely be with her. To be out. Then Pegorino shows up to gun me down. Needless to say, I am not the one the bullets hit. Kate was dead before I was able to lower her to the ground. My arm had been around her, you see. [It's an explanation for his previous rageful statements, at least.]

[There's a forced dispassion as he gets to that part. It had been the last thing to break him before the CDC showed up. And it's still there as he describes her.]

She was a good woman, Garrus. She had a smile that lit a room, everything about her was soft, and she was even still a virgin because she had such self-respect that she would not be with a man unless she knew he wanted to live a good life. I killed Pegorino after that. I got to tell him that he was nothing, and those that he wanted to impress laughed down on him. That part meant something. Killing him did not. She never came back.

Sometime people get killed when your principles are there. But at the same time, those principles could be the best thing about you to that person.

So be careful, ah? Think hard about things.

[It's not so much a discouragement, but advice for how Garrus should consider doing things. Niko resents this life, but for all that he likes people to understand, here he has finally reached the full conclusion that full doses of the truth of the universe makes him want to ask to become a giant space entity as a freebie and personally go to every CDC ship in existence and shit on the hull of it.]

[But people don't always get the outs they want. He hopes Garrus does. He stands up to exit then.]

Edited (editted for the adventure of hunting down a link to a previous thread) 2015-05-09 23:32 (UTC)

[So that was the story behind Kate. The story behind how Niko approaches his time here and their bosses. Go against orders, lose people you care about. But it sounds like Niko's not completely broken by what Pegorino did, at least, and that's something. That's a definite something.]

Thank you, Niko.

[He'd heard the change in Niko's voice, knew the story had to be hard to tell. The human had lost someone precious to him. Even more than that, he'd lost hope in a better future with her, lost his chance at a better life.]

Do your principles still matter to you?

[His voice is tired, but the question seems important after the talks they've had. Has Niko's life taken that away from him, or made him cling to them harder? Garrus hopes it's the latter.]

[He actually takes a moment to think on that, adjusting his fingerless gloves as he does. It's not a hard decision, it's just explaining it.]

If I did not, then I would have nothing left of the world I wanted to protect. Like I said. Principles are still important in that.

[Garrus nods once. That makes sense. And it's also weirdly encouraging. They can be eroded, but here's Niko after similar dealings and he's not gone.]

Really appreciate it, Niko. The talk, and the story.

[There's a beat as he starts to relax and his mind starts to wander, and then Garrus has one more thing to say.]

Later, I'd like to know how close you and Tali are.

[Because the fact that she chose Niko to go to... well. Maybe there's nothing there, but maybe there's something.]

I was drunk when I showed her my stomach. I didn't do anything more than that. I promise.

[And with that he lifts his hands defensively, and backs out of the rover.]

IC Contact - Consignment

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spoilers for one of the choices that leads to a GTA IV ending

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