Garrus Vakarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact - Consignment
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
So that's a dog. We have some similar things on Palaven, but nothing that looks quite like that. And you don't see pets that big in space.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Rodents, fish, small reptiles, that's what you're likely to see out there. Space is at a premium. In space.
[He sees the avoidance... and counts it as a win.]
So that's a dog. We have some similar things on Palaven, but nothing that looks quite like that. And you don't see pets that big in space.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Rodents, fish, small reptiles, that's what you're likely to see out there. Space is at a premium. In space.
[He sees the avoidance... and counts it as a win.]
Is that what you're all about? [Samus snorts as she takes another swig. She's starting to lose her sense of taste, and the drink is getting dangerously easier to swallow.] I really am on the wrong team, if that's the case. Red's problem solvers, I'm typically a problem solver, but the problems we're solving...
[She frowns, as she listens to Garrus talk about the neraki. She's at least glad to find someone else who feels the same. She felt alone in her sentiments on her own team.]
I was attacked... by a parent, protecting its child. I killed them, both of them, without a moment of hesitation, without even thinking. I couldn't feel anything, for a terrifying minute. For just a minute - a depraved, awful, fucked up minute - I'd become a Space Pirate.
[She frowns, as she listens to Garrus talk about the neraki. She's at least glad to find someone else who feels the same. She felt alone in her sentiments on her own team.]
I was attacked... by a parent, protecting its child. I killed them, both of them, without a moment of hesitation, without even thinking. I couldn't feel anything, for a terrifying minute. For just a minute - a depraved, awful, fucked up minute - I'd become a Space Pirate.
[ What a good big brother. ]
I learned with my age-mates, with our cadet instructor. But all of us had already begun learning in the pods--as soon as the brain is capable of assimilating knowledge, the Kree begin to teach. It's direct download, though, not traditionally 'taught'.
[ Sensory input directly to the developing brain. The very basics of forms, shapes, movement, preparing the brain for the body to come. It's taxing. Some don't make it through the training modules. It's no big loss. ]
Once we're old enough to move we're taught hand-to-hand and shooting, along with arithmetic, letters...
[ He looks at the family portrait again, pensive. ] My father didn't really teach me much, at that age.
I learned with my age-mates, with our cadet instructor. But all of us had already begun learning in the pods--as soon as the brain is capable of assimilating knowledge, the Kree begin to teach. It's direct download, though, not traditionally 'taught'.
[ Sensory input directly to the developing brain. The very basics of forms, shapes, movement, preparing the brain for the body to come. It's taxing. Some don't make it through the training modules. It's no big loss. ]
Once we're old enough to move we're taught hand-to-hand and shooting, along with arithmetic, letters...
[ He looks at the family portrait again, pensive. ] My father didn't really teach me much, at that age.
[Problem solvers. That's the first time Garrus has heard what he's assuming is their official motto, but he's a little wary of what the 'problems' might be. After all, the assignment he'd gotten told about hadn't been friendly.]
That's what we're about. Had a team cookout and then a talk about it.
[The other... isn't as simple. At least the younger neraki who had come into camp had been soldiers. They theoretically had training and were there by choice. Garrus isn't entirely settled about killing them either, but at least they hadn't been children. And a parent protecting its young... Spirits, no wonder why she needs a drink.]
But you're feeling again. You're not one. And that's the important thing. That you don't lose yourself. Or it's what I figure is the most important thing. You can't not engage. But you can remember who you are and what you stand for and believe in.
That's what we're about. Had a team cookout and then a talk about it.
[The other... isn't as simple. At least the younger neraki who had come into camp had been soldiers. They theoretically had training and were there by choice. Garrus isn't entirely settled about killing them either, but at least they hadn't been children. And a parent protecting its young... Spirits, no wonder why she needs a drink.]
But you're feeling again. You're not one. And that's the important thing. That you don't lose yourself. Or it's what I figure is the most important thing. You can't not engage. But you can remember who you are and what you stand for and believe in.
How's that... work? The downloading. I mean, you're not building muscle memory, you can't be, but do you still get instincts from it?
[The way Noh talks about his father is noted, and Garrus hesitates. It looks like there might be baggage there, and he might not be welcome to ask about it. Then again, if he isn't, Noh-Varr will tell him and they'll go with another topic.]
And did he start teaching you something later?
[The way Noh talks about his father is noted, and Garrus hesitates. It looks like there might be baggage there, and he might not be welcome to ask about it. Then again, if he isn't, Noh-Varr will tell him and they'll go with another topic.]
And did he start teaching you something later?
No, no. Strengthening neurological impulses at first, quickening response time, basic shapes, colors--and so on. By the time we leave the pods most of us can read and speak comfortably.
[ Nothing physical is learned in the pods, though their bodies are encouraged to reach peak growth levels with supplements and nutritionally-dense food intubation. ]
He was my true teacher in both engineering and diplomacy. [ Noh-Varr's expression softens mildly, like he's recalling something pleasant. ] He was a peerless speaking, and a great leader.
[ Unspoken, but clear: I miss him. ]
[ Nothing physical is learned in the pods, though their bodies are encouraged to reach peak growth levels with supplements and nutritionally-dense food intubation. ]
He was my true teacher in both engineering and diplomacy. [ Noh-Varr's expression softens mildly, like he's recalling something pleasant. ] He was a peerless speaking, and a great leader.
[ Unspoken, but clear: I miss him. ]
[ She does, of course, floating along at a level just below his shoulders and keeping pace beside him. ]
Actually, yeah. They fucking threw rocks at me and Hibari. [ Her mouth twists. ] They're obviously very adept at using the terrain to their advantage, because I had no idea they were there until too late. We need to be prepared for them to be sneaky! We're at a huge disadvantage against natives on their home turf.
Actually, yeah. They fucking threw rocks at me and Hibari. [ Her mouth twists. ] They're obviously very adept at using the terrain to their advantage, because I had no idea they were there until too late. We need to be prepared for them to be sneaky! We're at a huge disadvantage against natives on their home turf.
[Later, it'll amaze her how it didn't occur to her sooner. At first, before he's done, she even slumps in relief, face slackening slightly as she lets out a long breath. No matter how she feels - and she'll sort all that out later - they're both safe, and that's what...
Then Garrus reaches out his hand to hers, and for a second she simply stares at it. Turians aren't exactly known for being tactile, and quarians... well, if they touch it's about expressing emotion - there's no physical comfort in it. It's as she somewhat cautiously reaches out to slide her hand into his much larger one that an idea of the truth touches the back of her mind.
But even then, even when Garrus says it...] No.
[She shakes her head jerkily.] No, that...
[Swallows hard.] No, he can't be. He knows more about the geth than I do, they couldn't...
[Her grip on his hand is tight, and it's like a plea.]
Then Garrus reaches out his hand to hers, and for a second she simply stares at it. Turians aren't exactly known for being tactile, and quarians... well, if they touch it's about expressing emotion - there's no physical comfort in it. It's as she somewhat cautiously reaches out to slide her hand into his much larger one that an idea of the truth touches the back of her mind.
But even then, even when Garrus says it...] No.
[She shakes her head jerkily.] No, that...
[Swallows hard.] No, he can't be. He knows more about the geth than I do, they couldn't...
[Her grip on his hand is tight, and it's like a plea.]
We are.
[Though rocks... that's not as bad as it could be. They can still do damage, significant damage, but they're low tech enough that they wouldn't be an active concern. A flung rock isn't going to do as much as a bullet.]
Did you throw rocks back? Did Hibari try to set them on fire? Basically just wondering what your reaction was, and how they behaved then too.
[Though rocks... that's not as bad as it could be. They can still do damage, significant damage, but they're low tech enough that they wouldn't be an active concern. A flung rock isn't going to do as much as a bullet.]
Did you throw rocks back? Did Hibari try to set them on fire? Basically just wondering what your reaction was, and how they behaved then too.
[So not as sensitive a topic as it could have been. Maybe. He doesn't know if Noh's father is alive or dead.]
The pods sound pretty boring, but hey. They apparently work for your people.
[Noh's capable, smart, good with his mouth so the speaking thing clearly works too...]
And it sounds like you're pretty fond of your father. I wasn't. Gotten better about that, though. We see eye-to-eye a little more. Get where the other is coming from, somewhat. He backed me up when I was trying to get our people to take the reaper threat seriously.
The pods sound pretty boring, but hey. They apparently work for your people.
[Noh's capable, smart, good with his mouth so the speaking thing clearly works too...]
And it sounds like you're pretty fond of your father. I wasn't. Gotten better about that, though. We see eye-to-eye a little more. Get where the other is coming from, somewhat. He backed me up when I was trying to get our people to take the reaper threat seriously.
[The relief makes the realization and denial even worse. He hates causing her pain, hates that he can't answer that plea. He can't even tell her that her father had given her any real last words. The final message had been about how to defeat the geth on the ship, not anything about her.]
I'm sorry, Tali.
[Garrus gives her hand a squeeze.]
He tried to make sure it didn't come back around to you. They wanted... They were looking for more materials, more working parts, and your father said no. That he didn't want you exposed to that.
[He looks down before meeting her eyes again.]
He was looking out for you.
[Maybe not by much. But Garrus can put aside his cynicism if it might bring her comfort.]
I'm sorry, Tali.
[Garrus gives her hand a squeeze.]
He tried to make sure it didn't come back around to you. They wanted... They were looking for more materials, more working parts, and your father said no. That he didn't want you exposed to that.
[He looks down before meeting her eyes again.]
He was looking out for you.
[Maybe not by much. But Garrus can put aside his cynicism if it might bring her comfort.]
[Samus views them as problem solvers, but she isn't going to elaborate. She isn't allowed to elaborate. She remembers as much even in her ever slowly growing inebriated state.]
Sounds like being on Green is just a blast.
[She can't even tell if she's being sarcastic or not as she begins slurring a bit.]
As far as I can tell, I've gotta let that part of me go if I want to remain a member of Red. The CDC - they're Space Pirates. If something's in the way of what they want, they view it as an enemy in need of extraction - either under some sense of greed, or some sense of duty, or some misguided morals. Honor, justice, protection... All qualities of weakness. Especially to Red.
[She moans a bit and closes her eyes, pressing her fingertips lightly to her forehead.]
I'm sorry, what did you say was in this drink again?
Sounds like being on Green is just a blast.
[She can't even tell if she's being sarcastic or not as she begins slurring a bit.]
As far as I can tell, I've gotta let that part of me go if I want to remain a member of Red. The CDC - they're Space Pirates. If something's in the way of what they want, they view it as an enemy in need of extraction - either under some sense of greed, or some sense of duty, or some misguided morals. Honor, justice, protection... All qualities of weakness. Especially to Red.
[She moans a bit and closes her eyes, pressing her fingertips lightly to her forehead.]
I'm sorry, what did you say was in this drink again?
[ Except they're human. ]
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
Do you want Leng to be talking? Athos might be willing. I know he'll want to be watchful, especially once he knows all of this.
FROM: dartagnan@cdc.org
Do you want Leng to be talking? Athos might be willing. I know he'll want to be watchful, especially once he knows all of this.
[If she was expecting some kind of reprieve, for Garrus to turn around and say that no, not really, he was joking all along, she'd be disappointed. But she wasn't expecting that, was she? Not really.
Her father is dead. No, worse - he will be dead, soon, and there isn't a single thing she can do to prevent it. It feels somehow like too enormous a thing to be possible - like Garrus has just told her the stars have gone out like lights. Her father is - was - a presence so huge it's like gravity. It can't just stop. And yet it has.
She presses her lips together hard to stop them from trembling, but the tears burn unbidden in her eyes anyway, then feel icy cold on her cheeks a moment later.]
It was always going to come back to me. [Her voice wavers.] I sent the parts. I would have been the first person they'd accuse. [She pauses, gives a scoff that's starkly devoid of humour.] I'm going to be the first person they accuse.
I was so careful, Garrus. [Her voice breaks on his name.] Nothing I ever sent back was viable, I thought he was running tests on the parts. [There's a pleading note to her voice then - a desperation to make him believe it.]
Whatever I think about the geth... I wouldn't have...
[She realises with a tiny, sickening jolt that part of the tears are for those geth. That someone managed the impossible task of making her pity the geth, and that someone was her own father, as he enlisted her help endangering the entire fleet to experiment on sentient beings, synthetic or otherwise. And he got himself killed. He's dead.
That's when the first sob bursts out of her.]
Her father is dead. No, worse - he will be dead, soon, and there isn't a single thing she can do to prevent it. It feels somehow like too enormous a thing to be possible - like Garrus has just told her the stars have gone out like lights. Her father is - was - a presence so huge it's like gravity. It can't just stop. And yet it has.
She presses her lips together hard to stop them from trembling, but the tears burn unbidden in her eyes anyway, then feel icy cold on her cheeks a moment later.]
It was always going to come back to me. [Her voice wavers.] I sent the parts. I would have been the first person they'd accuse. [She pauses, gives a scoff that's starkly devoid of humour.] I'm going to be the first person they accuse.
I was so careful, Garrus. [Her voice breaks on his name.] Nothing I ever sent back was viable, I thought he was running tests on the parts. [There's a pleading note to her voice then - a desperation to make him believe it.]
Whatever I think about the geth... I wouldn't have...
[She realises with a tiny, sickening jolt that part of the tears are for those geth. That someone managed the impossible task of making her pity the geth, and that someone was her own father, as he enlisted her help endangering the entire fleet to experiment on sentient beings, synthetic or otherwise. And he got himself killed. He's dead.
That's when the first sob bursts out of her.]
[He's not sure if she's serious or not either. What he is sure about is that he's feeling the drink now and there's no way on Palaven he's filling his glass again.]
Green's goal suits me. Orange would suit me too, I think, but not as much. I like tech. But I like being out there doing... things.
[It's definitely messing up his attempts at talking. He can still think, can still function, but words aren't going to be his strong side, clearly. Not like that's anything new.]
A halluc-- drugs.
[Fuck it, he wasn't even going to try the big words.]
I don't know what ones, Jean bought it and didn't say. But it's definitely working. And honor and justice and protection should never be weaknesses. Viewed as. They should never be viewed as weaknesses. They're important.
Green's goal suits me. Orange would suit me too, I think, but not as much. I like tech. But I like being out there doing... things.
[It's definitely messing up his attempts at talking. He can still think, can still function, but words aren't going to be his strong side, clearly. Not like that's anything new.]
A halluc-- drugs.
[Fuck it, he wasn't even going to try the big words.]
I don't know what ones, Jean bought it and didn't say. But it's definitely working. And honor and justice and protection should never be weaknesses. Viewed as. They should never be viewed as weaknesses. They're important.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
No. It was a side comment more than anything. There's not point in stirring up the nest of whatever the human things are that sting.
No. It was a side comment more than anything. There's not point in stirring up the nest of whatever the human things are that sting.
[He's only ever heard her voice waver twice before. When she told Legion that the answer to their question was yes, and when they found her father's body. Garrus isn't prepared for her to sound like this even though he should have been, and he stares at her wishing that there was something, anything he could give.
Then she starts crying.]
You wouldn't have. You wouldn't have, and we knew it. There wasn't a question. Even the admirals knew it, you were just a prop. A piece as some sought war. They didn't...
[Her helmet's off and he has to be careful. There can't be any contact with her face or skin. But Garrus can stand and put his free arm around her to gently bring her closer.]
I'm sorry, Tali. I'm sorry.
[She's always been strong, this tiny quarian. But strength doesn't mean you never face loss and you never cry. For as long as she needs him here, he'll be here.]
Then she starts crying.]
You wouldn't have. You wouldn't have, and we knew it. There wasn't a question. Even the admirals knew it, you were just a prop. A piece as some sought war. They didn't...
[Her helmet's off and he has to be careful. There can't be any contact with her face or skin. But Garrus can stand and put his free arm around her to gently bring her closer.]
I'm sorry, Tali. I'm sorry.
[She's always been strong, this tiny quarian. But strength doesn't mean you never face loss and you never cry. For as long as she needs him here, he'll be here.]
FROM: anders@cdc.org
doesnt seem like the cdc got that message
FROM: anders@cdc.org
there are just as many animals as people in my rover. provided legend doesnt eat my chicken any time soon
doesnt seem like the cdc got that message
FROM: anders@cdc.org
there are just as many animals as people in my rover. provided legend doesnt eat my chicken any time soon
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
The CDC doesn't pack us all into a ship the whole time. They operate a little differently.
[Way to ignore his totally funny joke there.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
My rover's never had that problem. Had a bahari for a while, Piper, but just the one. And then a lot of flowers.
The CDC doesn't pack us all into a ship the whole time. They operate a little differently.
[Way to ignore his totally funny joke there.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
My rover's never had that problem. Had a bahari for a while, Piper, but just the one. And then a lot of flowers.
FROM: gilbert.elena@cdc.org
Hey, Garrus. I saw the new team configurations and... Well, I obviously don't know how you're feeling about it. You might be fine, for all I know. And if you are, I'm glad! But just in case you're not...
FROM: gilbert.elena@cdc.org
You'll always be my leader. Once a leapfrog, always a leapfrog.
Hey, Garrus. I saw the new team configurations and... Well, I obviously don't know how you're feeling about it. You might be fine, for all I know. And if you are, I'm glad! But just in case you're not...
FROM: gilbert.elena@cdc.org
You'll always be my leader. Once a leapfrog, always a leapfrog.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
We had a good team.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But you might wanna be careful about pitching in with someone who has clearly fucked up. I don't wanna drag anyone down. You guys mean something to me.
We had a good team.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But you might wanna be careful about pitching in with someone who has clearly fucked up. I don't wanna drag anyone down. You guys mean something to me.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Who has to? I'm demoted. It's pretty damn clear.
Who has to? I'm demoted. It's pretty damn clear.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I don't know. If I knew, maybe I wouldn't have done it.
I don't know. If I knew, maybe I wouldn't have done it.
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