INCOMING CALL: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
START RECORDING:
So, the cop that arrested him wanted to send their stupid asses away because [She imitates a deeper, gruff male voice:] them's the breaks, ma'am, even though they knew there wasn't a chance in hell either of them knew what the fuck was going on, or who stole the car or anything like that. They were just dumb kids and they fucked up. But this cop really wants to put 'em away.

So I'm in there figuring out what to do -- my one brother wants to go to the military, right? Which he can fucking say goodbye to if the cop books him, and the other one I'd like to see go to college, which is a hell of a lot fucking harder if he ends up in juvie at seventeen. Kinda tanks your test scores.

I get there and run into this cop I've known since kindergarten, we grew up together and shit, he has this big stupid fucking crush on me. I talk real nice, and get real sad -- not really acting, there. But next thing you know, after making that big fucking deal about locking my brothers up? All the sudden they're dropping charges, and that cop I knew, he asks me out on a date.

You're a smart guy, I'll let you figure out what the moral of the story is.