IC Contact - Consignment

[forgivetheinsubordination]

vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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[plex]

[ As Garrus tells the tale, Noh-Varr looks at the visor. The names as inscribed in a language he doesn't speak, so he lifts his cuff to help read them out: Erash, Monteague, Mierin, Grundan Krul, Melenis, Ripper, Sensat, Vortash, Butler, Weaver. A few sound vaguely human, and it makes him wonder what kind of people they were. The last line of letters is charred, but still readable: Sidonis. He memorizes those names. He's been on both ends of betrayal. Nothing is ever clean, but he knows that hurt.

Garrus pulls him in close, and he allows it, feeling the tracing of talons against the skin of his waist. When he turns his face up to Garrus', he's smiling, warm, perhaps a bit secretive. His priority is a superhero. Handing back the visor, he traces the scars on Garrus' right side. ]

Not bad for a missile to the face, Archangel. I like it.

[ 'I survived, and they didn't.' He especially likes the sound of that. He leans up, kissing Garrus' chin. ]

I'm glad you made it. [ But more importantly: ] Where will you go from here?

[forgivetheinsubordination]

[There's a lot of guilt involved in surviving when his people didn't. It's something that will always stick with him, he's pretty sure, and maybe that's good, considering the mess he's gotten himself into here.

Garrus takes the visor back to run his thumb over the names. Despite the weight of all of this, the expression on Noh's face comforts him. He's just told Noh his biggest failure, and yet the kree is touching him, kissing him.]

That's the question, isn't it.

[And not really one. Not at this point. One path leads to failure - failing his world, his people, his squad, and all of those he's come to care about here, including his current company. Now that he's faced with the facts, he can't ignore them.]

Except I guess it isn't.

[Garrus shakes his head before setting the visor in his lap and reaching up to run a thumb along Noh's jaw. He's screwed up a lot in his life. He may still screw this up, may still screw everything up, but he can at least take steps to try to fix what problems he sees.]

I can't weigh Shepard being my Commander into anything anymore.

[It's hard. It hurts. It's only the first step. And if it sounds like he's convincing himself, that's because he partly is. These are things he now knows, but they're going to take work.]

I'm here. I have a duty to perform. For my new squad. For my planet. And for those I've come to care about here. If I fuck up, I don't just fuck things up for myself.

[Which is also difficult, but saying it helps wrap his mind around it a little more.]

And I... I have to hope she forgives me.

[Spirits, he hopes she forgives him.]

[plex]

About two years ago now I was freed from prison. [ That is a story for another time, and not the one he wants to recount here. ] I fell in with some bad people, and left them. [ Also not the story he wants to tell here. ] I got into contact with the Supreme Intelligence; it gave me the mandate to protect Earth, which suited me. I worked on my own, trying to help as much as I could. Eventually I was invited to join a group of high-profile vigilantes. I had nowhere else to go, and they were honorable, and gave me a place to belong, so I went with them.

[ Captain America, Thor, Spider-Woman, Hawkeye, Luke Cage. Dinners at Avengers Tower. Convincing Jessica Jones that her back-alley shish taouk was actually a Skrull dish. Eating pie. Annie. ]

We fought some threats together--the typical planetary-takeover types. A time thief. Extraterrestrials. I like to think I did my part. During this period we were tasked to go into space to stop an incoming--a wave, you could call it. The Phoenix Force. A weapon of mass destruction, capable of decimating entire planets, if not entire galaxies. Together, we could contain it, but not destroy it. And the Supreme Intelligence asked me to collect it, to bring it home to Hala, so that it could be used to protect our galaxy and all others.

[ His face is taut; this is obviously an unpleasant memory that even bodily exhaustion can't shake. His eyes say what his lips can't: I was stupid. I believed. Because I didn't know any better. ]

We did contain it. And I betrayed them, all those good people, in the name of the Intelligence, because I couldn't... [ He purses his lips, and it hits him, this problem he keeps juggling, what he'd realized after Kate. It all comes back to-- ] Couldn't let go of the past. And of course the Intelligence lied. Its prime function is to protect the Kree genome, it doesn't care for a remote backwater like Earth. So I betrayed the Intelligence to bring the weapon back to the Avengers.

[ He looks up at Garrus, snuggled close, his voice just barely a whisper. That was an awfully long story for a fairly short point he's trying to make. ]

Sometimes you need to let go before the bridge is burnt. Or accept that no matter what you do, it may be better to burn it yourself before it gets burnt for you. Do you understand?

[ He'll never be able to go back home. They'll never forgive his crime. Neither will the Avengers, for putting their planet in danger. Shepard is Garrus' Supreme Intelligence, as it were, and as far as Noh-Varr is concerned Garrus's every thought should be on how to move away from her long, long shadow. ]

[forgivetheinsubordination]

[He watches Noh talk, listening, not surprised by the turn the Supreme Intelligence took but disappointed in it anyway. Clearly Noh-Varr had faith in it, and it betrayed him. And the point is clear. Shepard would not ever actually betray Garrus, wouldn't try to harm him, but trying to serve both her and the CDC is impossible.]

I do.

[His voice is just as quiet. It's not stupid to have faith, he feels, and his arm is tight around Noh-Varr. Of course someone would choose their people. It makes so much sense, especially with the connections they've made between the turians and the Kree. But faith can come around and bite you if it's blind, and Garrus' had been fairly blind.

Garrus' hand drops from Noh's jaw to take one of Noh's hands in his.]

She deserves better than to be let go, or to be treated like a bridge that needs to be burned. She's my friend, and we owe each other our lives dozens of times over. But on anything that's official, that's CDC...

[He takes a long breath, closing his eyes for a few moments.]

On anything official, I'll direct her to her team leads.

[It's what he has to do. It's been made very clear. And as he's an adult who knows how to recognize his duty when he sees it, he'll follow through with this. But he'll also tell her. Garrus can't let this blindside her, can't have her come to him for answers or help and have him turn her away suddenly.

His fingers thread through Noh-Varr's as he opens his eyes and looks back into the deep green ones staring up at him. Noh is beautiful, all the more so to Garrus for not only listening and not judging what Garrus considers his biggest failure, but sharing in return, opening up about his own failure. That's never easy, ever, and he feels like some of the weight is off of his shoulders. There's still plenty to do. He has to talk to Shepard, he has to make up for what he's done, but he's got support.]

Lay down with me?

[And he's also got a tiny bit of pride for that coming out like that and not "sleep with me," because knowing his mouth and his ability to blurt out the wrong thing at the wrong time, it wouldn't have been a surprise to either of them.]

[plex]

[ 'Shepard wouldn't betray Garrus.' Noh-Varr learned very quickly that when the question is betrayal, there are never any absolutes. At one point in his life he knew, without the shadow of a doubt, that the Supreme Intelligence would never betray one of its own. Only it had. Norman Osborn had used and tricked him. Captain America had turned on him in his moment of weakness. He'd deserved it for his naivete.

How can he tell Garrus that he doesn't want to be a bridge, either? But that he would choose a thousand times over to be burnt than to take Garrus down with him.

He doesn't like talking about these stories. They raise too many painful truths he'd rather not consider. Instead, he turns his body in toward Garrus', tucking his head beneath the Turian's chin. Twined like this, he can't even bring himself to feel discomfort at the hard plating. The bed is soft enough and his body tired enough. ]

I'm already here, you big dork. [ Said with affection. It's hard not to be affectionate in the face of those cute, twitching mandibles. ] Where else would I go?

[ Predictably, he'll be asleep in moments. ]

[forgivetheinsubordination]

[He knows Noh means it literally, but the question makes him happy anyway. Noh doesn't want to be somewhere else. Garrus is clearly not in the good books of the CDC or, possibly more importantly to the Kree, Warriorhead, and yet Noh's here, curling up with him, close and affectionate. There's trust here, and that's dangerous and frightening and Garrus can't summon up the energy to worry about it.

He shifts a little to get comfortable, trying not to scrape Noh in the process. They've been finding positions that work, at least.]

Nowhere, [is the answer Garrus finally gives his priority. He truly is into this man.] I... Goodnight, Noh-Varr. And thanks.

[He doesn't have to say it. But he wants to anyway, wants Noh to know he appreciates the listening and talking, almost as much as he likes the way Noh feels in his arms whenever he falls asleep.]