forgivetheinsubordination | IC Contact

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

I'll think about it. I really will. I don't think I can take another mission like this one.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

It already kills me inside that one way another, all of the life forms on this planet are going to die. But now I have children's blood on my hands.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

And for what? Brutal vengeance for a valid military retaliation against our forces? What the hell am I doing?

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

Surviving. In a situation that basically none of us were prepared for. Keeping your world safe, and helping keep about a hundred other worlds safe too.

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

Would you like to come over and talk? Might be a little easier. Company tends to help a lot of things.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

This is exactly the reason I left the damn military in the first place. Following orders blindly in the name of so-called order and protection, compromising my beliefs to please a CO.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

Maybe. I don't know.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

Do you have something strong to drink?

[He both wants to support her but doesn't want to wind up getting his homeworld destroyed. It's a hard line to walk, like everything here.]

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

The only thing I've got that humans can drink too is wine. If that'll do, come on over, Aran. I'm in Rover 002.

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

It won't fix anything, but it can make it a little more bearable.

[Join the club. She's completely miserable right now.]

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

I'm not human. I'm part Chozo.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

If you have something stronger, I'll take it. It'll get me to calm down.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

Will we have some privacy if I head over? I have a lot to talk about and don't exactly want other people seeing me like this.

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.or

Does Chozo mean you can digest things that about 95% of species are allergic to?

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

Generally if you can eat human food and drink human drink, you can't eat or drink what I do. There are some exceptions, like Noh-Varr, but he can eat anything.

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

If you don't find it too awkward we can pull the privacy curtain around the bed. I can promise I won't make any moves.

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

Not to say you're unattractive. But I've just ended my relationship and I'm not looking for anything.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

If by allergic you mean would severely damage their digestive systems, then yes actually. I can stomach sulfuric acid.

[Not that it's pleasant by any means. But hey she'll take what she can get.]

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

I'm not worried, Garrus. The thought didn't cross my mind. I'm really sorry to hear you've ended another relationship but I guarantee you, I'm not looking for anything either.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

I just need to sort out my thoughts. Would it be alright to come over now?

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

In that case I've also got brandy and something with a hallucinogenic kick that was a gift and I haven't quite dared to try yet.

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

Rover 002. It's just me and the haroomba, and I'll stack some pillows on the haroomba. He'll protest, but let him.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

Sounds good to me. You might have to drag me back to my rover when we're through, though.

FROM: aran.samus@cdc.org

I'll be right over.

[And sure enough, she's dragged herself to Rover 002, knocking on the door with a rough knock. She looks pretty bad right now, actually. It's clear from her tired face and dark circles under her eyes that she hasn't been able to sleep.]

[He opens the door pretty quickly and steps out of the way, tilting his head to indicate his bunk.]

Come on in. Mine's the one that isn't purple. So. Shall we try the one with the kick?

[They have a break. It might be short, but they might as well seize the moment and unwind a little. Garrus closes the door behind her and grabs glasses, ready for her choice.]

The one that isn't purple...

[Samus furrows a brow at him curiously as she moves inside, but she decides not to question it. She's glad for the temporary privacy, at least. She'd holed herself up in the cockpit of her rover previously for privacy.]

Anything to help me loosen up. So long as I stay coherent after the first drink. [She moves over to Garrus's bed and takes a seat, watching him.] Thanks for letting me over, by the way. I'm not really much for talking about these things, but I think I'll end up doing something I'll regret if I don't discuss it.

[The whole rover's interior is painted in purple, chosen by a vote of three to one... except for the wall of one bed which has a starscape painted on it. It's the stars seen above Garrus' city.

He opens the gift he got from Jean, ages ago, and pours a small amount into two cups. It's probably best to take it easy, really. Returning, he holds out one cup.]

I can't really guarantee that, but I think we've got a shot. As long as we keep it in moderation.

[Garrus takes a seat next to her.]

And don't worry about it. Everyone needs someone sometimes. And after this last mission...

[Samus likes the stars. Not that she knows of their significance, but they're nice. She looks from them to Garrus, and takes the cup from him in one hand. She doesn't dare smell it, just examining it with a hesitant look.]

Yeah... Well, here's what I have to say about this last mission.

[She adventurously takes a healthy swig, which is not by any means pleasant in the slightest.] Oof. [Her eyes grow wide and she blinks several times as it goes down her throat, trying not to make a face. Samus can tell this is the beginning of an awful idea, but she's really beyond caring.] Still not used to that.

[Garrus snorts before following her example. The alcohol has a decent burn, the drugs... Well, they'll have to see. He's never tried anything like this before, and if it hadn't been given to him he still wouldn't have.]

Not used to drinking? Or not used to ugly missions?

[He does agree with her opinion on this mission, though. Yes, they'd needed to get their people free. Yes, the neraki would be slaughtered sooner or later. But the actual slaughter was very hard to accept.]

Because the latter, yeah, I'm with you.

[She's certainly never tried anything like this before. But she asked for it, so she'll finish what she started. Hopefully she was right about her systems being able to handle it. She swirls the drink a little bit, before answering.]

Either one. Though I have a lot more experience with ugly missions than drinking. [She lets out a soft sigh and glances at Garrus.] Not sure how much more I can take. I get the feeling Dagger already knows I screwed up and let my emotions get to me. I still got the job done, but just barely. If Shinobu finds out I had a breakdown in the middle of the battlefield, I could get serious reprimands.

[She takes another swig, before giving Garrus a rather stern look.] Ugh. On the off chance no one found out - don't tell anyone - I got it written off as inhaling toxins.

[Garrus' mandibles draw close to his face as she finishes talking in his version of a grimace.]

They can listen in on anything. And do. That's... something to remember. I'm not gonna tell anyone, but a friend of mine failed an early Red mission for disclosure, for telling me, and when we talked there was no one else around.

[Which means she might already be in trouble.]

Figure it's a little safer when you're not talking off the network, but...

[He shakes his head.]

You're thinking Green, then?

Hm... Well, it was worth a shot. Maybe I deserve the reprimands. Maybe they won't be so bad.

[She shifts and leans back against the wall by his bed, to better support herself. She's not sure how hard this drink is going to knock her down.]

I'll keep that in mind in the future. [She gives him a sideglance.] Not sure yet. Before I go even considering things that'll get Dagger to start hating me even more, I want to hear your end of things. You're a good guy, Garrus. How have you been holding up in Green?

[Won't be so bad. There's no proof that the agony Thane went through had been connected to his failure, but Garrus can't think of another reason that would have happened. And yet Garrus doesn't want to try to convince Samus otherwise, because there's precious little optimism to be had here anymore.

Garrus takes another drink instead of raining on her parade, and realizes he can already feel that something's a little off, that he's definitely starting to get impaired. He just has to hope they're not about to be attacked again.]

Good guy.

[Before Macha, he would have easily agreed with that. But even he's got civilian blood on his hands now. None of the neraki had wanted their prisoners free.]

I agree with what we're about. What Armada says we're about. Protecting. I want to keep the people here safe, my world safe, that sort of thing. With that focus, it's not so hard.

[There's a beat as he swirls his drink around in his glass, looking into its sparkly depths. Garrus' voice gets heavier, his subharmonics dropping to be sad faint rumbles.]

But I know some of the neraki I shot, some of the ones I zapped, some of the ones I stabbed, were civilians. Wrong place wrong time. Wrong planet. Not their fault, but they're all gonna die. I don't like it. But there isn't a choice.

[He does far more than not liking it. Sure, he couldn't tell one neraki from another if his life depended on it, but he's got some mental images of the civilian ones he'd downed, the way their leaves had looked, their height. He has an approximate number, too, and it's a number he knows he'll be adding to.]

Is that what you're all about? [Samus snorts as she takes another swig. She's starting to lose her sense of taste, and the drink is getting dangerously easier to swallow.] I really am on the wrong team, if that's the case. Red's problem solvers, I'm typically a problem solver, but the problems we're solving...

[She frowns, as she listens to Garrus talk about the neraki. She's at least glad to find someone else who feels the same. She felt alone in her sentiments on her own team.]

I was attacked... by a parent, protecting its child. I killed them, both of them, without a moment of hesitation, without even thinking. I couldn't feel anything, for a terrifying minute. For just a minute - a depraved, awful, fucked up minute - I'd become a Space Pirate.

[Problem solvers. That's the first time Garrus has heard what he's assuming is their official motto, but he's a little wary of what the 'problems' might be. After all, the assignment he'd gotten told about hadn't been friendly.]

That's what we're about. Had a team cookout and then a talk about it.

[The other... isn't as simple. At least the younger neraki who had come into camp had been soldiers. They theoretically had training and were there by choice. Garrus isn't entirely settled about killing them either, but at least they hadn't been children. And a parent protecting its young... Spirits, no wonder why she needs a drink.]

But you're feeling again. You're not one. And that's the important thing. That you don't lose yourself. Or it's what I figure is the most important thing. You can't not engage. But you can remember who you are and what you stand for and believe in.

[Samus views them as problem solvers, but she isn't going to elaborate. She isn't allowed to elaborate. She remembers as much even in her ever slowly growing inebriated state.]

Sounds like being on Green is just a blast.

[She can't even tell if she's being sarcastic or not as she begins slurring a bit.]

As far as I can tell, I've gotta let that part of me go if I want to remain a member of Red. The CDC - they're Space Pirates. If something's in the way of what they want, they view it as an enemy in need of extraction - either under some sense of greed, or some sense of duty, or some misguided morals. Honor, justice, protection... All qualities of weakness. Especially to Red.

[She moans a bit and closes her eyes, pressing her fingertips lightly to her forehead.]

I'm sorry, what did you say was in this drink again?

[He's not sure if she's serious or not either. What he is sure about is that he's feeling the drink now and there's no way on Palaven he's filling his glass again.]

Green's goal suits me. Orange would suit me too, I think, but not as much. I like tech. But I like being out there doing... things.

[It's definitely messing up his attempts at talking. He can still think, can still function, but words aren't going to be his strong side, clearly. Not like that's anything new.]

A halluc-- drugs.

[Fuck it, he wasn't even going to try the big words.]

I don't know what ones, Jean bought it and didn't say. But it's definitely working. And honor and justice and protection should never be weaknesses. Viewed as. They should never be viewed as weaknesses. They're important.

Yeah. Important. Not to the CDC.

[She shakes her head, making a face at her cup as she sets it down on the floor. No way she's drinking any more of that, she's already starting to feel her vision augment and wobble. Well, if her systems ever needed to be put up to the test, they sure were now.]

I'll think on it. About Green. Dagger seems to hate them, which suits me just fine. Maybe I'll get more out of it.

[Samus takes a deep breath, the fog in her head growing heavier by the second.]

I should leave. While I can still move.

Dagger does seem to hate us.

[There's a beat as he slowly gets to his feet to see her out.]

We kept more people alive than we were supposed to. More survived Ajna than he wanted. So that's one reason he dislikes Green. But there are probably others.

[The world is kinda whirling now, actually, and Garrus frowns as his glass. This did not pull any punches.]

If you're sure you can walk. If you're not, you could rest a while here. Screechers aren't due to go on, or off, for hours yet.

[Samus furrows a brow at Garrus. More survived than he wanted?? What? This was the first she'd ever heard of that attitude of Dagger's towards the recruits... Did his viewpoint reflect that of the CDC? Conflict?]

Failing to see how that's not a good thing.

[She can't even think very clearly on it.

Samus attempts to force herself up to her feet, head swimming as she plants them firmly on the ground. She pushes herself up, but stumbles, and has to cling to the wall to keep from falling down. Her eyes close shut.]

Don't want to stick around... don't want other people seeing me...

IC Contact - Consignment

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we can totally consider that other thread wrapped, btw.

awesome!

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