Garrus Vakarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact - Consignment
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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D80, following Armada's post
She was on your unit, wasn't she? She found Isabelle's body with me.
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She was.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
She wanted to hunt down the culprits and I ordered her to partner up. And that didn't save her.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I should have gone out to find her. Backed her up. I knew she was angry and not thinking clearly.
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And then you'd be the one found torn open like a canned meal.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
You can't save all of them, Garrus.
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Or maybe it would have made a difference. I saved no one. We haven't found anyone who went missing before too late. I haven't stopped any attacks, protected any people.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
And I've lost one of my squad already.
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Those people look to you for direction, not protection. That's Armada's job--and even he got caught unawares.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
You did all you could do. You can't hold yourself responsible for every life Green loses, or the pain won't end.
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Not every life, not even every Green life. But I can't stop feeling responsible for her.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Can we get to the Marvel again yet? I need to do something with my hands.
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I'll see if the hangar's been cleared. Will you at least try to get some rest?
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It's restful to have firing algorithms to work on. Honestly.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
But if you're offering to be a pillow, I wouldn't turn that down.
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I'll take your word for it.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
Now you're starting to sound more like yourself. No pillows, but I'll let you know once the ship's accessible again.
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I always sound like me because I am me.
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A less sad version of yourself, then?
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Not likely to happen today. Or for a few days. Gave her the order I needed to, and she followed it, and I can't go back and fix things. But she was mine.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Helps to see the additions, though. To know Liara and Javik are transferred and not worse. Even though I still don't get where Liara was for so long.
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We looked for them for days, teams were sent out, and then suddenly, a transfer list. I don't understand.
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I don't either. Searched personally, used their IDs on the cuff, everything. But if they're transferred they're not dead. Tali got returned to the Neheda. They could be, later.
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Have you asked Armada?
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I was apologizing first. I lost someone he entrusted to me. Then I asked about Black Box advice. But after that, I'll ask.
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Keep me posted. You're going back in?
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I need to do something right.
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You had such a glowing review of it last time, too.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
We've just come off something stressful, I'm not sure running yourself through the grinder is advisable.
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One of my squad is dead. One is transferred. And I've hurt Shepard, possibly irreparably, by telling her I can't serve two commanders. I have to try.
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And what if you don't progress? Accomplish nothing? You'll just exhaust yourself.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
Shepard's a big girl, she can deal with her own feelings. If you moving on to bigger things is all it takes to cut her down, maybe this is the way it ought to be.
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I don't know what happens if I can't manage anything. I've never had that happen before. I don't... I don't know, Noh.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
And she's been my friend through a lot, Noh, and I've been there for her too. Been at her side for basically the entire time she's had command.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Now she's not just not in command. I'm not following her. That hurts. She's a big girl, but I can't stop caring about one of my oldest friends.
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Then she can be by your side now that you have command, as well.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
How can it possibly hurt her to see a friend grow, become stronger? Your promotion should bring her joy, not pain.
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FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I hadn't looked at it like that. I still figure she might feel alone. But you've got a point.
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Why would she feel alone? You're her equal now. Unless she was only willing to share with you when she saw you as her soldier.
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