Garrus Vakarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact - Consignment
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
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Have you asked Armada?
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I was apologizing first. I lost someone he entrusted to me. Then I asked about Black Box advice. But after that, I'll ask.
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Keep me posted. You're going back in?
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I need to do something right.
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You had such a glowing review of it last time, too.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
We've just come off something stressful, I'm not sure running yourself through the grinder is advisable.
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One of my squad is dead. One is transferred. And I've hurt Shepard, possibly irreparably, by telling her I can't serve two commanders. I have to try.
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And what if you don't progress? Accomplish nothing? You'll just exhaust yourself.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
Shepard's a big girl, she can deal with her own feelings. If you moving on to bigger things is all it takes to cut her down, maybe this is the way it ought to be.
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I don't know what happens if I can't manage anything. I've never had that happen before. I don't... I don't know, Noh.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
And she's been my friend through a lot, Noh, and I've been there for her too. Been at her side for basically the entire time she's had command.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Now she's not just not in command. I'm not following her. That hurts. She's a big girl, but I can't stop caring about one of my oldest friends.
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Then she can be by your side now that you have command, as well.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
How can it possibly hurt her to see a friend grow, become stronger? Your promotion should bring her joy, not pain.
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FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I hadn't looked at it like that. I still figure she might feel alone. But you've got a point.
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Why would she feel alone? You're her equal now. Unless she was only willing to share with you when she saw you as her soldier.
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She had a ship of her own and a crew that would follow her into anything. Did follow her into anything. Then she landed here and had some of them, and gained some cadets.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Now she's not even on a team. She's got friends but she's lost a lot. It's the loss, Noh. She's lost a lot. And I tried to make it clear that she hasn't lost me but I'm not sure she heard.
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And now she needs to adapt like the rest of us. She didn't.
[ And look where it landed her. Sorry Garrus, he was never a sympathetic individual to begin with. ]
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
She's lost nothing. You're still here, and Tali'zorah. If she can't see that, she never considered herself your friend--only your CO.
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She'll see it. She just needs some time.
[And then, because he can tell Noh's not Shepard's biggest fan:]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I wouldn't be who I am without her. I might still be the racist, naive, disillusioned space cop who dreamed of making a difference and never did.
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FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
You don't have to carry your debt the way you carry your guilt. Maybe you can build something new with her.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
But she might not want to.
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I'm not feeling guilty about the choice I made. I had to make it. I just don't like hurting people I care about.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm working on building something new. Hoping for it. Thinking about giving her the model of the Normandy you and I built together.
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He doesn't say it, of course. What Garrus does with his belongings is his own business. ]
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
So you feel guilty. And you think you owe her or something. You changed you, Garrus.
FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
Does she like model ships? Or is it just that you think that one will hold significance?
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She gave me the opening to change in, then.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
And she likes them. She had a collection back on the Normandy, dozens of little ships, models of the ones we'd encountered. Friendlies, enemies.
[He hasn't decided yet, mostly because it is the ship he built with Noh the day they both came back to life.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Not sure if I'll do it. Might ring as a hollow gesture, and I don't want that to happen with this particular model. Maybe I'll see instead about buying something food-wise next time the channel opens.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Or there's the N7 decal. Her earned rank, back home. I'll figure it out by the time it seems right to try.
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I hope she takes it well, no matter what you choose to give her.
[ He finds himself meaning it, too. He knows losing this relationship will hurt Garrus. ]
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Thank you. Not just typing that for the sake of typing it, either.
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You're welcome. I've got your back.
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You always do. And Armada says the missing were in a quarantined area.
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Why weren't we told? Sending teams out was a waste of resources, if that was the case.
[ He should probably shut up, but he's getting crabbier by the minute. ]
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Went and read his other conversations. Armada told Sturmhond that they didn't get a verified list until recently. I don't know what that means.
[He gets the crabbiness. Maybe they could have focused better on protecting those that were still on board, without that distraction. But he's also feeling a little relief that Liara and Javik may, possibly, be all right. It's not something Garrus wants to give up yet.]
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I believe he was kept in the dark. Might be a gag order on the person who put those to be transferred in quarantine, might be that they just got teleported there by someone not on the ship.
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FROM: varr.noh@cdc.org
I hate feeling like we're being led around by our noses.
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