Garrus Vakarian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
forgivetheinsubordination) wrote2037-04-27 09:49 pm
Entry tags:
IC Contact - Consignment
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
(0) UNREAD MESSAGES
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
That's me. Garrus Lazyass Vakarian. Later, Joker.
That's me. Garrus Lazyass Vakarian. Later, Joker.
How do you look at it?
[Because right now, he doesn't want statements that can mean anything. He's just been tortured with no answers, he's worried about how things are going, and everything he gets is words that can be taken any way. Dagger's warning. This. His conversation with Noh-Varr.
At least she's played politics a little more than him, even if most of was to temporarily appease the Council before hanging up on them. This is his first foray into something this murky.]
[Because right now, he doesn't want statements that can mean anything. He's just been tortured with no answers, he's worried about how things are going, and everything he gets is words that can be taken any way. Dagger's warning. This. His conversation with Noh-Varr.
At least she's played politics a little more than him, even if most of was to temporarily appease the Council before hanging up on them. This is his first foray into something this murky.]
Doing what's necessary.
[Which sounds like some kind of line off an Alliance recruitment ad, but there's a line of fervor there that says she's being genuine. It's something she brought with her, not something working for the CDC taught her. It's the frank understanding of a situation that allows for things like wiping out the Bahak system. Like landing on Macha and knowing not to get attached. Like telling Morir with a frank kind of honesty that she doesn't really care what happened on the gag ordered mission because no one died on it and it wasn't going to change what happened to the planet.]
Look, ninety percent of the bullshit we do could look morally reprehensible from another angle. That doesn't mean you don't do it just because someone else is going to be uncomfortable with it, right? I've got something I need to do and I'm not going to lose sleep at night over what I have to do to make it happen.
[If she's going to have nightmares about something, it's going to be losing everything - not the things she has to do to make sure she doesn't. Right?]
[Which sounds like some kind of line off an Alliance recruitment ad, but there's a line of fervor there that says she's being genuine. It's something she brought with her, not something working for the CDC taught her. It's the frank understanding of a situation that allows for things like wiping out the Bahak system. Like landing on Macha and knowing not to get attached. Like telling Morir with a frank kind of honesty that she doesn't really care what happened on the gag ordered mission because no one died on it and it wasn't going to change what happened to the planet.]
Look, ninety percent of the bullshit we do could look morally reprehensible from another angle. That doesn't mean you don't do it just because someone else is going to be uncomfortable with it, right? I've got something I need to do and I'm not going to lose sleep at night over what I have to do to make it happen.
[If she's going to have nightmares about something, it's going to be losing everything - not the things she has to do to make sure she doesn't. Right?]
I wasn't panicking.
[ He totally was. He sprints back over once the heat starts. There's one crack that has grown deeper and larger, but so far, no sight of anything but the golden exterior. ]
No... not really. I was thinking I'd wait to see if it's a boy or a girl... and then wait to see if something felt right.
[ He looks up at Garrus curiously. It's nice to have someone around to take his mind off the anxiety. ]
Why, you have any suggestions?
[ He totally was. He sprints back over once the heat starts. There's one crack that has grown deeper and larger, but so far, no sight of anything but the golden exterior. ]
No... not really. I was thinking I'd wait to see if it's a boy or a girl... and then wait to see if something felt right.
[ He looks up at Garrus curiously. It's nice to have someone around to take his mind off the anxiety. ]
Why, you have any suggestions?
Ah, well...
[ His smile becomes a bit tighter, more awkward, which implies just that idea. Sebastian doesn't know just how much he's missed, and with how Garrus phrases it, he's concerned it might have been even more than he thought. ]
Forgive the underwhelming answer, but I suppose the beginning? Were they a bit more inclined to chat at the start...?
[ His smile becomes a bit tighter, more awkward, which implies just that idea. Sebastian doesn't know just how much he's missed, and with how Garrus phrases it, he's concerned it might have been even more than he thought. ]
Forgive the underwhelming answer, but I suppose the beginning? Were they a bit more inclined to chat at the start...?
[Which is... rather in line with everything else. It's in line with what he's been doing, in line with what the CDC wants from them, and in line with the way someone else he knows had seemed to act.]
What's necessary to save a few, against something that seems too big to deal with otherwise.
[The trees are in sight by now, and he wishes he could really focus on them as a distraction. He'd give a lot to find a way to avoid what's going on in his head right now.]
Sounds familiar. And not just because it's what I've been doing.
[Which needs to be said so she doesn't think he's judging her. He isn't.]
Someone said something along those lines to us once. Couple of years back. Big guy. Don't know if you remember him.
[Went by the name Saren.]
Trying to figure out if I'm becoming like him. Hard sort of thing to wrap my head around.
[Especially when he knew the answer he didn't want to reach might be the honest one.]
What's necessary to save a few, against something that seems too big to deal with otherwise.
[The trees are in sight by now, and he wishes he could really focus on them as a distraction. He'd give a lot to find a way to avoid what's going on in his head right now.]
Sounds familiar. And not just because it's what I've been doing.
[Which needs to be said so she doesn't think he's judging her. He isn't.]
Someone said something along those lines to us once. Couple of years back. Big guy. Don't know if you remember him.
[Went by the name Saren.]
Trying to figure out if I'm becoming like him. Hard sort of thing to wrap my head around.
[Especially when he knew the answer he didn't want to reach might be the honest one.]
FROM: rogers.steve@cdc.org
Medical's got the stasis list, Mikasa's shipside already. Reiner's still around camp but I don't know what's got him tied up right now.
FROM: rogers.steve@cdc.org
Didn't know about Xion. Messaged her but didn't hear back yet.
[ Garrus knows her better, he might be able to track her down. ]
FROM: rogers.steve@cdc.org
Just checking in. Nothing to do with the list. We're on the same team.
Medical's got the stasis list, Mikasa's shipside already. Reiner's still around camp but I don't know what's got him tied up right now.
FROM: rogers.steve@cdc.org
Didn't know about Xion. Messaged her but didn't hear back yet.
[ Garrus knows her better, he might be able to track her down. ]
FROM: rogers.steve@cdc.org
Just checking in. Nothing to do with the list. We're on the same team.
[Her focus, pinned toward the tree line, shifts then - flicking over and fixing on him like a sniper scope (something he should, given the givens, know a thing or two about). There's something exacting to how she looks at him, unshaken by the suggestion. They've known a lot of 'big guys' but there's no mistaking who Garrus means. It isn't hard to draw a line from this to Saren, especially if it's someone Garrus is comparing himself to.]
That's bullshit. [Cutting to the quick. She draws up completely then. Screw huskberries and truffles - medical can deal for a few extra minutes this takes.] Saren wasn't trying to save a few, he was trying to save himself. You're nothing like him. So unless you're going to start comparing me to the The Illusive Man, you can probably afford to cut yourself some slack.
That's bullshit. [Cutting to the quick. She draws up completely then. Screw huskberries and truffles - medical can deal for a few extra minutes this takes.] Saren wasn't trying to save a few, he was trying to save himself. You're nothing like him. So unless you're going to start comparing me to the The Illusive Man, you can probably afford to cut yourself some slack.
Still... working on sorting that out. Maybe I'm being stupid, but I keep thinking one day, sometime, maybe he'll realize what he's got. That it's not limiting to be more focused. I don't know, Tali. I... I'm really into him. Didn't like not being with him, but I needed that break.
[Garrus shakes his head. She doesn't see, but he can't blame her because he doesn't see sometimes either.]
I hear that you've made insteps yourself, though. Got Niko pulling off his shirt for you, rushing to help you when you're coughing up blood...
[It's so much safer a topic than the one of him and Noh-Varr. So much simpler, or so he hopes.]
[Garrus shakes his head. She doesn't see, but he can't blame her because he doesn't see sometimes either.]
I hear that you've made insteps yourself, though. Got Niko pulling off his shirt for you, rushing to help you when you're coughing up blood...
[It's so much safer a topic than the one of him and Noh-Varr. So much simpler, or so he hopes.]
Bought that for a while, that he was working for himself. At the end, though...
[When Saren had tried to kill himself, before Garrus had gone down to make sure the job was done, they'd had a glimpse of something else.]
He'd been indoctrinated for a long time, Shepard. Maybe a part of him really did think he was saving a portion of the turian people with his cooperation. And he would have taken out the galaxy to do so. Is this really that much different? Saving my homeworld, saving yours, taking away a whole lot of others in the process?
[When Saren had tried to kill himself, before Garrus had gone down to make sure the job was done, they'd had a glimpse of something else.]
He'd been indoctrinated for a long time, Shepard. Maybe a part of him really did think he was saving a portion of the turian people with his cooperation. And he would have taken out the galaxy to do so. Is this really that much different? Saving my homeworld, saving yours, taking away a whole lot of others in the process?
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Never sure that the stasis list is complete. Haven't been since T'Soni went missing during the deaths on the ship. So when I haven't seen or heard from people, I figure they're there anyway.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Don't see everyone around the camp, but I see a lot.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm on things, Steve, saw the message. I travel fairly light anyway. I'm available to help with other packing.
Never sure that the stasis list is complete. Haven't been since T'Soni went missing during the deaths on the ship. So when I haven't seen or heard from people, I figure they're there anyway.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
Don't see everyone around the camp, but I see a lot.
FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org
I'm on things, Steve, saw the message. I travel fairly light anyway. I'm available to help with other packing.
[It's difficult to blame him. Hard to know what she'd do in the same situation - it's easy to stand back on the sidelines and tell him what he should do. Judging and having opinions is much easier than being the one actually feeling these things.
And she's lifting her glass, ready to take another drink and then say something... she's not sure what... when his first words make her pause with a genuinely confused look on her face - and then she freezes, squinting at him.]
How did you... ['How did you know about the shirt thing' is probably not the best first question to ask. However, stopping the question there is probably even more incriminating, so she can't win.]
He didn't pull his shirt off. He pulled it up. There's a difference. [... Somehow she makes those sentences sound somewhat dignified.] We were talking about anatomy. And he was drunk.
[That explains a hell of a lot of things in any given situation, but the fact that Tali can't hide a grin at just how drunk he was probably isn't helping her.]
And I hope if I'm ever in your rover coughing up blood, you'll rush to help me as well.
[That's just common courtesy, Garrus, you big bully.]
And she's lifting her glass, ready to take another drink and then say something... she's not sure what... when his first words make her pause with a genuinely confused look on her face - and then she freezes, squinting at him.]
How did you... ['How did you know about the shirt thing' is probably not the best first question to ask. However, stopping the question there is probably even more incriminating, so she can't win.]
He didn't pull his shirt off. He pulled it up. There's a difference. [... Somehow she makes those sentences sound somewhat dignified.] We were talking about anatomy. And he was drunk.
[That explains a hell of a lot of things in any given situation, but the fact that Tali can't hide a grin at just how drunk he was probably isn't helping her.]
And I hope if I'm ever in your rover coughing up blood, you'll rush to help me as well.
[That's just common courtesy, Garrus, you big bully.]
[Bait taken, far better topic engaged.]
He only pulled it up, during an anatomy discussion? Maybe you have a point, then. I mean, damn, Tali. I thought you'd know how to get a guy out of his shirt by now.
[He sounds a little bit like himself, now.]
You went over to his rover for comfort, and he's only pulled his shirt up. Do you need a... what's it called. Wingman? At least I've gotten someone's shirt off here.
[And more, but they both know that and there isn't a need to go into too-many-details territory here. Garrus takes a drink quickly, knowing that it's entirely possible she could turn things right back around on him - which means he needs to swallow fast and avoid risking choking.]
He only pulled it up, during an anatomy discussion? Maybe you have a point, then. I mean, damn, Tali. I thought you'd know how to get a guy out of his shirt by now.
[He sounds a little bit like himself, now.]
You went over to his rover for comfort, and he's only pulled his shirt up. Do you need a... what's it called. Wingman? At least I've gotten someone's shirt off here.
[And more, but they both know that and there isn't a need to go into too-many-details territory here. Garrus takes a drink quickly, knowing that it's entirely possible she could turn things right back around on him - which means he needs to swallow fast and avoid risking choking.]
Maybe I do have a point. [... That's not helpful either. No, there's no winning this.
There is going to be no explaining this. She could get defensive, insist that she is perfectly capable of being friends with someone without trying to get them naked, or that what exactly is she supposed to do with any human once their clothes are off anyway.
... She thinks the latter and then her brain immediately supplies several things because this is a great time to have an imagination. Either way, she really can't win. He'll never shut up now.
If all she's going to get here is pyrrhic victory, so be it.]
Just the shirt, Garrus? Really?
[Tali's great talent for sounding totally serious while she's actually smirking behind her mask: revealed. Her mask is a few feet away and can't help her now.]
There is going to be no explaining this. She could get defensive, insist that she is perfectly capable of being friends with someone without trying to get them naked, or that what exactly is she supposed to do with any human once their clothes are off anyway.
... She thinks the latter and then her brain immediately supplies several things because this is a great time to have an imagination. Either way, she really can't win. He'll never shut up now.
If all she's going to get here is pyrrhic victory, so be it.]
Just the shirt, Garrus? Really?
[Tali's great talent for sounding totally serious while she's actually smirking behind her mask: revealed. Her mask is a few feet away and can't help her now.]
You know, Tali, if you're gonna go around without your mask, we're gonna have to work on your facial expressions.
[Because he can see that. And if she wants to open that door, then by all means, Garrus is going to make her regret it. What are friends for?
He leans forward, mandibles flaring.]
His suit is actually one piece. All comes off together. Taken it off multiple times, but I prefer when he takes it off. Should I go on? Want some details about human-like anatomy so you'll be ready when Niko takes a little more off? If he does?
[Because he can see that. And if she wants to open that door, then by all means, Garrus is going to make her regret it. What are friends for?
He leans forward, mandibles flaring.]
His suit is actually one piece. All comes off together. Taken it off multiple times, but I prefer when he takes it off. Should I go on? Want some details about human-like anatomy so you'll be ready when Niko takes a little more off? If he does?
I like to think if we were being indoctrinated, we'd be a lot less pissed off about it.
[She isn't destroying planets for Earth or for Palaven or for a small subset of people she cares about. She isn't doing this for 'the few' or even her universe. At some point - between here and the Neheda - things have changed.]
If the only reason you're here is to keep your planet in one piece then you'd be better off dying on mission. [It's a brutal, dangerous thing to say - especially when she knows he's been feeling the sting of their lack of agency, the lack of control they have in any of this. Maybe his contract isn't like hers, but she doubts it; neither of them are getting out of this and they're never going back to see the result of their work. Not if they play by the rules.]
I don't know about you, but I've got bigger fish to fry.
[She isn't destroying planets for Earth or for Palaven or for a small subset of people she cares about. She isn't doing this for 'the few' or even her universe. At some point - between here and the Neheda - things have changed.]
If the only reason you're here is to keep your planet in one piece then you'd be better off dying on mission. [It's a brutal, dangerous thing to say - especially when she knows he's been feeling the sting of their lack of agency, the lack of control they have in any of this. Maybe his contract isn't like hers, but she doubts it; neither of them are getting out of this and they're never going back to see the result of their work. Not if they play by the rules.]
I don't know about you, but I've got bigger fish to fry.
She's like you.
[ Hurt. Trying not to be hurt. Trying to get over it and not really succeeding, and angry as well.
Angry, which she should be. They all should be.
D'Artagnan stands up, and moves around the rover. Some might call it pacing, but the truth is, he just finds it hard to keep still when he's as angry as this. He feels it running through his veins like blood.
He's furious with the Instructors, with the CDC. With every part of this horrific machine. ]
There's nothing you can do. That's the point, isn't it? That's the point of turning the cuffs off. There is nothing we can do about their control over us.
If there's something else you're supposed to be learning from it, I don't know what it is.
[ Hurt. Trying not to be hurt. Trying to get over it and not really succeeding, and angry as well.
Angry, which she should be. They all should be.
D'Artagnan stands up, and moves around the rover. Some might call it pacing, but the truth is, he just finds it hard to keep still when he's as angry as this. He feels it running through his veins like blood.
He's furious with the Instructors, with the CDC. With every part of this horrific machine. ]
There's nothing you can do. That's the point, isn't it? That's the point of turning the cuffs off. There is nothing we can do about their control over us.
If there's something else you're supposed to be learning from it, I don't know what it is.
Frightened people do stupid things that hurt them and non-frightened people alike.
[Something she's intimately aware of.
She shakes her head slowly. Her main reason for coming here is done.]
Rest up. With our luck, something will come crawling out of the ocean and try to eat us all soon.
[Something she's intimately aware of.
She shakes her head slowly. Her main reason for coming here is done.]
Rest up. With our luck, something will come crawling out of the ocean and try to eat us all soon.
Are you offering to teach me how to keep a straight face? [During this kind of abjectly stupid conversation? They don't stand a chance.
Anyway, Tali had expected Garrus to be a bit more squeamish, and there's a split second where she wonders if she should quit while she's ahead (or rather, quit while she's behind). But then, it's that or turn the conversation back on herself.
Barrelling on.]
All in one piece? Sounds inconvenient - you should look into that. [Things she never thought she would say to Garrus, part... umpteen. And then:] Wait, 'human-like'? Have you been comparing?
Anyway, Tali had expected Garrus to be a bit more squeamish, and there's a split second where she wonders if she should quit while she's ahead (or rather, quit while she's behind). But then, it's that or turn the conversation back on herself.
Barrelling on.]
All in one piece? Sounds inconvenient - you should look into that. [Things she never thought she would say to Garrus, part... umpteen. And then:] Wait, 'human-like'? Have you been comparing?
FROM: kaburagi.kotetsu@cdc.org
so maybe we can get this group to help out the new ones, once that happens. we'll have to keep up somehow.
Dagger's normally the most forthcoming out of all of them, isn't he? [at least, from what he's seen of his responses to people anyway.]
I've been in this position before - can't exactly say I enjoyed it either. But you know, Garrus, when your options are 'do or die', there's very few reasons for someone to lash out regardless of how confusing or frightening the situation is.
Someone might want us to break. The expectation is that all of us will pull together and carry through regardless, and hopefully an explanation will be found somewhere in between.
I'm not sure if they thought we mattered in the first place. After all, the only thing we truly own in this place are our contracts, nothing more.
I've been in this position before - can't exactly say I enjoyed it either. But you know, Garrus, when your options are 'do or die', there's very few reasons for someone to lash out regardless of how confusing or frightening the situation is.
Someone might want us to break. The expectation is that all of us will pull together and carry through regardless, and hopefully an explanation will be found somewhere in between.
I'm not sure if they thought we mattered in the first place. After all, the only thing we truly own in this place are our contracts, nothing more.
[He's not sure if she's trying to provoke him into feeling better or if she's not thinking. Either way, the whole bigger-fish thing... Sure, everyone knows a bunch of people hate the CDC. But it's not the smartest thing to just say that's the endgame. To get stronger and destroy it somehow.
The look in Garrus' eyes is flat as he closes the distance to the first tree and starts picking.]
That's what you've got to say on that? Not that there are parallels, because there are, but that if my goals aren't big enough, I should be dead?
[He shakes his head.]
Might not be as good at sneaking as some. But apparently I'm a little better than others. Unless we want to just talk about these fish outright.
The look in Garrus' eyes is flat as he closes the distance to the first tree and starts picking.]
That's what you've got to say on that? Not that there are parallels, because there are, but that if my goals aren't big enough, I should be dead?
[He shakes his head.]
Might not be as good at sneaking as some. But apparently I'm a little better than others. Unless we want to just talk about these fish outright.
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