forgivetheinsubordination | IC Contact

[Garrus snickers before reaching back and grabbing one of his blankets. If Ryan's going to get cozy and close his eyes, might as well make sure the both of them are warm.]

That's good, considering we had your well-being on our minds when we did that. Oh, and then he turned around and blackmailed me into resting too. Because he thought it was funny, or something.

[Because Noh had known Garrus needed it, even if Garrus hadn't wound up able to really use that time constructively.]

Noh-Varr is, well. Noh-Varr.

[There's a warmth in his voice that's pretty unconscious. Part of it's due to having warm company, relaxed company, a friend to unwind some with. And part of it is the particular subject at hand.]

He's good at that kind of thing, yeah.

[There's fondness in his own voice, and the warmth in Garrus' tone definitely isn't missed. He's known, sort of-- Noh-Varr had told him the two of them had some sort of thing going before-- but that's really the extent of it, and he can't pretend he isn't curious about what he doesn't know.

And maybe some of that curiosity is for selfish reasons, but that part he isn't quite admitting.]

...so, uh, how are-- things? With you two, I mean.

They're... hah.

[Garrus chuckles, shaking his head.]

Don't really know how to answer that. I mean, it's good. It's... It's going. But it's the first time I've tried something that isn't just instant gratification and hell if I know how things are supposed to look or go.

[He takes a breath and shrugs.]

Seems to be... a thing. Wouldn't mind, uh. Actually, you probably don't wanna hear that. So it's... It's going.

[He wouldn't mind more time with Noh, but really, not only does the Kree have a bunch of demands on his time that Garrus gets, Garrus also has a team to lead during this crisis. Now isn't the time to wish for the freedom they'd had on Selena.]

Far as I've seen, most people don't know how it's supposed to work. I know I never have.

[It's just something you figure out through trial and error, if you're lucky, and mostly error if you're not-- but this isn't his thing to try to work out. Not in that sense. All he's really trying to do is get a better idea of how their connection is, maybe glean some idea of where his own connections stand in light of that, because that answer definitely makes it sound like Garrus' ties to Noh could be less casual if it's his first time going for something more.]

Y'know you don't have to censor yourself for my sake, it's not like I won't care. Don't want to hear about what?

[Nosy, maybe, but now he wants to know.]

Can't figure out if that's a comfort or not.

[His tone is lightly teasing, the comment meant to buy a couple of seconds as he tries to figure out what even to say. Garrus talks, a lot. All he needs is a little encouragement and he'll keep going.]

It's... It's still being figured out, really. There's an us, I would like more us, but...

[Garrus waves at the ship before putting his arm back around Ryan.]

But nothing goes according to any sort of hopes or plans with the CDC, apparently. Really don't know how they stay in business, at this rate. And I really don't appreciate the screamer alarms.

[Is it so wrong to enjoy falling asleep with someone?]

They're kind of a pain in the ass, yeah- but at least you didn't have to be the one to figure it out the hard way?

[The smile at that is brief, almost a fleeting thing. If that's a thing, well-- that's potentially awkward, but that isn't really his primary worry. Ryan's real concern is that, in his experience, when people become an 'us', that by default makes everyone else a them. They have a way of getting committed, being more exclusive, and while he plays third wheel well that's a very temporary position.

So after a moment's silence he asks, a bit abruptly:]

D'you want me to... I don't know, back off a little, I guess? Let you guys figure that out without--

[Distraction? Interference? He's unsure what the right word is.]

[His mandibles flicker at the mention of Crichton's predicament, but the amusement stops at the sudden question.]

Uh. What?

[It's not the most coherent answer to a question ever.]

Were you... Were you into Noh?

[It's probably a stupid question. At this rate, who on the ship isn't? There's a sinking feeling in Garrus' stomach as he tries to keep his thoughts from spiraling too far downward. Even though he had spoken the words about not having to be exclusive, he's still not quite ready for Noh-Varr to tell him that he's found another lover.]

Not... Not really sure I'm following.

[Maybe it's something else. He might as well get things clarified before he starts stressing.]

Wh- no, I meant with, you know, anything that might happen, since you said you only really wanted casual but casual could still get in the way, and--

[And he's running off at the mouth. He isn't exactly tense, but neither is he quite as relaxed, though taking a deep breath helps.]

...and, uh. It could sort of get in the way on both sides, yes. I mean, it'd be casual in either case, and I've never slept with him before either, but-- look, I like you both, but I don't want to mess anything up for you either.

I- kind of thought you knew.

[Thankfully he's stammered and stumbled through words enough in his life to follow that a little. Garrus' words back before Selena. That he'd been looking for just casual then, and he and Ryan had even flirted there... And then Ryan's dropping the bomb that yes, he does like Noh, but he likes them both, and if that isn't something Garrus never saw coming, nothing is.]

Uh. Okay.

[He doesn't know where to start, but he gives it a go anyway.]

I... I'd been looking for just casual. Yeah. I didn't, I wasn't misleading you or something. But then Noh was...

[There's a beat, and Garrus shrugs.]

Noh. And it got complicated. Thought there was gonna be something else in the way too, turns out there wasn't. And I thought maybe you were curious, friendly curious, not creepy curious, and didn't figure it was more than that.

[He takes a breath.]

I'm not telling you to go away or something. I mean, I'm here letting you use me as a pillow. A really jagged pillow. I just don't know how any of this is gonna look in a week, in a month, that sort of a thing.

[And he can't ask Ryan not to sleep with Noh. It wouldn't be fair to the kree or the human. If this is the angle it comes from... No. Garrus can't think like that, not yet.]

It's complicated.

I'm curious, yeah, but- I'm not sure I'd call it just friendly-curious. I was serious when I said I wanted to just see where it went, even if it was just a casual kind of thing. Like I said, that's... mostly what I've been used to.

[Save for the one time, but that's one out of a few, and the longest thing he's had going was absolutely not an emotional kind of attachment. Just a substitute for it. Ryan shifts restlessly, trying to relax and get comfortable once again-- because Garrus does have a point. He's still here, still allowing the affection.]

And I know it's complicated, trust me, I know complicated. I'm just saying-- if anything happens, if you guys... I don't know, if you decide you want to see how being more serious about it goes, and if this kind of thing gets weird? I want to know.

[And after a beat-]

Is this kind of thing all you want?

[He takes a breath, and then another. It's hard to know if Ryan's talking about Garrus and Ryan, or Garrus and Noh, or all three. This is all entirely murky but Garrus can at least try to be clear as much as he can. Ryan deserves that.]

I... We talked. On Selena. Noh and I. About it getting more serious.

[Priorities.]

I do want to try it, now. This thing with him. That doesn't mean that you can't do... this, though. The... pillow thing. And I'm sure he doesn't want less contact with you, or... anything along those lines.

[Chances are the opposite and Garrus has to accept that. Somehow. Figure this out, balance it out.]

I... I mean, I did think I just wanted casual. Thought it was all I wanted. And then now I... don't.

Feelings aren't always predictable.

[And he's absolutely feeling that right now, shrugging a bit uncomfortably. It's not that he has anything he'd honestly call feelings. Attractions that could easily become that, sure, but nothing more for now. Given that, Ryan isn't sure what to make of the envy-- they're both his friends, if they're content with things then he is, but it's such an unavoidable feeling (and he'd very much like it to go away.)]

But I meant-- I just want to know what you're alright with from me. Whether this is the most you're okay with or if you're still... open to experimenting a little, I guess?

Does it stay platonic or not, is probably the best way to put it. Kind of assumed so, but- well. Clarification is never a bad idea, right?

It's not a bad idea, no.

[His talons go up to Ryan's hair, brushing through it as he figures out what to say. For as long as Noh doesn't find another lover, Garrus knows he doesn't want one. Will that change when he winds up not being enough for the kree? Garrus doesn't know. And maybe that's all the answer he can give right now.]

I don't know, Ryan.

[His voice is tired now, subharmonics a little hollow.]

For as long as... as...

[Garrus exhales, shifting underneath the human. He can't go there. He can't give up yet. Yes, he knows it's only a matter of time, but there's a part of him that insists on being in denial, that wants to think that somehow Noh won't want anyone except him. But at the end of the day, all he can be responsible for is his own actions and words. He pulls himself back together. Hell, for all he knows, the CDC is going to reassign him or Noh-Varr long before Noh gets bored.]

I want it to be platonic. I'm seeing Noh.

[His eyes close when he feels talons comb through his hair, answering the gesture with an indistinct but contented little sound; they stay that way when Garrus answers, because he's all too aware of how easy it is to read him when they're open.

Figures, but it's not a surprise. Take long enough to gather the nerve to push a bit further, and what else can you expect? Ryan doesn't answer immediately, still leaning on him without looking at him, until finally he murmurs a response.]

That's fair.

[No arguments from him. There's no reason to, he's got no claim, just interest and a tentative agreement he let sit for too long. (Or maybe it would've been the same, hell if he knows.) He drags up a small smile, reaches up to brush his fingertips over one of the turian's mandibles.]

I'll leave it at this, then, promise. Just the one. [And with that he lifts his head just enough to press a brief, thoroughly chaste kiss against the same mandible, more a peck than anything.]

[He reaches up as Ryan moves, palm on the back of the human's head to hold him close as a whole other thought occurs to him. Garrus has been so wrapped up in his own future possible, likely, pain that he hadn't even been thinking about the friend right here with him. He's just been an idiot.]

I'm sorry.

[A beat. That's not exactly clear.]

Not for... not for seeing Noh. But that...

[But that he'd underestimated Ryan's feelings, hadn't followed up on the invitation he'd made because he'd figured Ryan lost interest. You don't go for one last emotional gesture with someone you hadn't been interested in.]

Any time you need it, you can curl up on me, yeah? Provided Noh doesn't want me at the time.

[They'd declared each other priorities, and Garrus wants it to stay true. His other arm wraps around Ryan's midsection and he leans a mandible against the man's cheek.]

...I know. I don't expect you to be sorry for that, don't worry about it.

[It does help, though, because much as he'd like to say he can just shake it off-- having the people you've taken an interest in involved with each other is always awkward, and he hasn't exactly looked elsewhere yet. Ryan's just going to be waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Noh-Varr to decide he's not interested either.

For the moment, though, he accepts the comfort, remaining settled right where he is and letting his eyes slide shut once more.]

Same goes for you, you know. Not that I'm a good pillow either, but I figure that just makes us even, yeah?

Softer than a turian, even if you're still all angles.

[Ryan's tall and scrawny, and Garrus actually does like that. But he has a priority, and he can't even begin to expect Noh to keep that a little in mind if he lets his own focus slip. ...Except there's possibly a way to mitigate both risks. The risk of Ryan being more hurt than he's letting on, and the risk of Noh starting something with just Ryan.]

You said both. And casual. You're sure about casual?

[Because it could also raise the risk of losing the Kree and this whole week has brought him closer to feeling like he's balanced on a knife edge than ever before.]

...yeah. Yeah, I'm sure. I mean-

[Finding the right words, putting them together in the right way, is difficult to do when he's trying to avoid sounding too resigned, or lame, or-- any number of things.]

I'm used to casual, you know? I never really had the kind of life that lent itself well to anything long-term, unless it was long-distance too. Maybe it's not always my preference, but it's-- what I can get. I'd rather have something than hold out for one that's less likely and have nobody.

[Garrus takes a deep breath. He might well be inviting disaster and his own heartbreak here. After all, sleeping with a human would be a lot easier for a kree than sleeping with a turian. They'd had to find positions, he wasn't easy to curl up on, he was taller... but maybe he can not only give Ryan something small, but he can stave off what he still hopes isn't inevitable.]

You could... After all of this, the murders, the... the mess. After it's all blown over, we could see about once. Both... Noh and I, and you. Join us for a dinner and we... we see.

[He hopes Ryan can't read his subharmonics yet, heavy as they are. He hopes that it comes across as nerves and not him wondering if he's shooting himself in the foot.]

[It's not an amused laugh, just a reflexive, almost disbelieving one. He cannot have heard that right.]

Garrus, I-- correct me if I'm wrong here, but did you just turn me down and then suggest some kind of threesome?

[Incredulous in a more confused way, not condescendingly so.]

I...

[How does he even explain? He twitches his head to the side before just going for it.]

This doesn't get back to him. Anything that I'm gonna say. If you agree to that, then I'll explain. I... I'm caught. I don't wanna hurt him, don't wanna be hurt, and... So do I explain, or do I dodge it?

[Ryan doesn't have to consider that for more than a moment. He may not like keeping secrets between his friends, but it sounds like it could be something Garrus needs to talk about, and everyone's got things they need to say without fear of them spreading.]

Explain, if you're sure you're okay with it. I won't say anything to him, it's not my business.

[He's not entirely okay with explaining, but without it, all he's doing is making more of a mess. When Garrus speaks, the words are slow and weary.]

He asked to not be exclusive. I agreed. Because I thought I could be fine with it. Because I thought even having some of his time was enough. And I'm realizing that I'm... That I'm struggling with hat. But this... if it's once... Maybe it'll help. Maybe he gets something he wants, you get something you want, and I'm there instead of wondering.

[It's a lot of maybes, and a narrow ledge to pin his hopes to, but it's what he's got. A moment after the last portion it sinks in how that could be taken, and he's a little hasty to try to fix it, even if his subharmonics are still tired.]

Not that it'd be a burden to try the three. That's not what I mean at all. You're not... You're a person, not a prop. I'm not great with words. That's all.

So you're saying you're- worried about me getting involved with him?

['Maybe he gets something he wants, you get something you want.' On top of the admission that Garrus isn't so keen on not being exclusive, that's sure what it sounds like.]

--look, don't worry about that, Garrus. If you two already sort of have a thing going-- for one thing, that's a big point in your favor, and for another, you can't really think I'm the type to... I don't know, sweep him off his feet or something? I'm not saying that to be modest, it's true.

[Ryan certainly sounds convinced, anyway. He isn't the kind of guy someone ditches another for. He wouldn't want to be.]

...and as far as the offer goes, I-- shit, I don't know. I like the idea, I won't lie, but if you'd only be interested for his sake, then- I can't. [It's a quiet, apologetic admission.] I wouldn't be in unless we all were, and if you don't want to do it just because you want me there?

It'd just kind of hurt, honestly. I mean, again, correct me if I'm wrong, but... not if you don't want me.

No, no, no. Shit. I'm not...

[He groans, a little frustrated.]

No. That's not what I'm saying.

[Someone's going to want to also get involved with Noh-Varr. Garrus knows it. How could he blame them, when Noh is who he is? He's seriously into the kree and not for no reason, and it's really only a matter of time. Maybe it could be Ryan, it could easily be Ryan, but that's not exactly what this offer is meant to sidestep. It's meant to sidestep anyone.]

First thing... I accepted the move, when you made it, weeks ago. It's not about not wanting you. Asking for something platonic between us is about wanting to be focused on him. I wouldn't suggest a third who I didn't want.

Second... If he gets... variety, I don't know, maybe somehow... Hell if I know what I'm doing. I want him to be happy, without me hurting, and maybe this will do it. I don't know. It's not any sort of position I've been in before.

IC Contact - Consignment

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