forgivetheinsubordination | IC Contact

[Garrus hears the words, takes the time to process them. It's funny, how both Shepard and Noh-Varr agreed, and one is struggling while the other is flourishing. But it's hard to grasp how this doesn't bother his lover. He pulls back from the gentle kisses enough to see Noh's face.]

That you're going to kill sentient beings who haven't done anything wrong doesn't bother you? At all?

[There's a difference between being aware of it coming down to this sometime, and actually having the time come.]

If it's regrettable, that means some regret, doesn't it? That it has some impact?

[Would Garrus be here if he'd had full disclosure? He doesn't think so. A couple of years ago, sure. But not as he is now. And yet he can't blame those who are here. Can't be angry with them, bothered by their choices. These worlds would be destroyed anyway, with or without them.]

[ It was easy to explain to Parker. Noh-Varr finds it less so now, with Garrus looking to him expectantly. ]

I don't enjoy causing harm to innocents, Garrus. [ He purses his mouth, forming a thin line. ] But I won't endanger this crew with non-compliance.

[ Turning away, he shifts his position. ] Planets aren't finite; not even dimensions are finite. The interlocking universes are bigger than our limited comprehension allows us to grasp. Realities collapse each time you blink, Garrus, and yet you don't mourn them. [ A beat, and he turns his face up to Garrus' again. ] We can only care for what's ours.

[ Otherwise you'll go insane. It's what he'd told Parker; he wonders if this is it, if Garrus will reject him now the way she had. He steels himself. ]

[It's... practical. It's what Noh's always been and Garrus has sometimes struggled to be. And while Garrus doesn't like the point Noh is making, he can't argue some of it. They can't afford to endanger the crew by not cooperating. They can only care for what's theirs. But at the same time...]

We're not causing those realities to collapse. We'll be the cause of death here. There's a difference. But...

[Garrus sighs, looks away. Can he really blame someone for having a safer outlook? Can he be upset because one of the people he cares about is going to clearly manage dealing with Ajna and Garrus won't have to worry there? Noh's gone a little tense and Garrus leans in to touch their foreheads together.]

It's not like there's a choice. You... Are you just all right with it? I mean, there's not...

[He takes a breath. He doesn't even really know what he's asking.]

Sorry. You're the first person in my, hah, group, that's been all right. And I know without even checking on some of the others that they're not.

[And so he has to worry about them, worry about what happens if they go too far, wonder who he's going to see put up as an object lesson next. His real worry is that he's going to see Shepard there soon.]

[ The forehead press is welcome, and Noh-Varr leans into it. He finds himself thankful; thankful that Garrus is willing to see his side, that he isn't dogmatic. It isn't strictly a human trait, he's found. ]

They're intelligent, Garrus. They'll see us coming, if we drop in. We're going to reach the surface and I doubt the welcome will be favorable.

[ He's quiet for a moment, then: ] I didn't want to say anything after Ajna. Everyone was mourning.

[ Not him; not for that frozen hunk of rock, at least. ]

You should know: the Kree are world-conquerors. My actions now would be seen favorably. [ He looks at his hands, clinically, then back up. ] Maybe I've been lying to myself all these years. Forgotten my nature, tried to be human. I need to put my reservations aside and protect this crew, Garrus.

No one is fully defined by their species. No one even has to be defined at all by their species.

[This is starting to worry him a little. Noh has always been himself, bright and alive, not... detached. Not the way Noh's looked at his hands now, or the way he's talking.]

Your Supreme Intelligence lied to you. It used you. Is that what Kree are? Because in everything I've seen, you haven't lied, you haven't mislead.

[There's concern in his voice as he searches Noh's eyes.]

I'm a lousy turian... and I'm all right with that. Because I'm me. I wouldn't want to be a good turian. If I was, I wouldn't have half the friends I do, here or back on the Normandy. If I was, my world wouldn't have been as prepared as it was for the Reaper attack. And sure, here I'd be better. I'd be doing really damn well. I wouldn't have skated close to the edge, wouldn't have needed Armada and Warriorhead both to call me out before opening up my eyes, but... that's not me.

There's protection, and there's losing yourself. Protect, but don't stop being you. Because who you are...

[He shakes his head. Who Noh is, is the person Garrus has fallen for.]

Who you are is the most attractive person I've ever known.

[ Garrus' words are meant to be reassuring, but Noh-Varr doesn't find them so. Parker's words echo in his mind: you want to belong to this. Does he? His thoughts become scrambled thinking about it. Does he fit in because the work complements his experiences, or does the work suit him because he fits in?

Has Garrus ever known exile? Noh-Varr is not just a bad Kree; he's no Kree at all. Earth doesn't want him any more than Hala does. So which is he, false Kree or false human? He'd gone from security, a steady place in the universe, to drifting between two civilizations. He'd been content not to care, but here, he doesn't have that luxury. ]

I'm not losing myself. [ It feels like the opposite. Like he's being forced to discover the person hiding beneath his skin all this time. ] Don't put me on a pedestal, Garrus.

[ He wonders what will happen if Garrus finds that the person Noh-Varr is becoming doesn't match his expectations. He hasn't mislead, Garrus tells him. Garrus knows about his background, knows what Noh-Varr is capable of. His interpretation of that is positive bias. Noh-Varr hates being a disappointment. ]

What makes you think Macha would have troubled me in the first place?

[ It does, on some level, but that isn't the point. He wants to know where the discrepancy lies. ]

Because it's putting someone on a pedestal to notice their good qualities. Even when you're seeing them.

[There's confusion in his voice. Noh's talking about putting a part of himself aside and Garrus doesn't know where that can lead that's possibly good. The question only adds to how much Garrus is at a loss.]

And I figure this is going to trouble anyone with a conscience. Not enough to make them stop, because the weight on the other end of the scales is pretty damn high, but we're going to have to kill every man, woman, and child on that planet.

[The confusion fades, to be replaced by a little frustration. Garrus hates what they'll have to do. But there is literally no choice in the matter.]

Green especially, if Ajna is anything to go by.

[ He clicks his tongue, reaching up again, his frustration ubbling up. His hands settle on either side of Garrus' face. Does it really help for them to have this discussion now? They both know what's ahead. This is only serving to upset them both. ]

Save your concern for when you'll need it, Garrus.

[ He doesn't bother trying to explain the kind of perspective dimensional travel gives you; even now he struggles to piece his emotions together. He suspects he won't know how to really feel about what's coming until it arrives--and figures the same for Garrus. ]

Let me stay with you for a little while.

Edited 2015-02-02 07:14 (UTC)

[He takes a breath, meeting Noh's gaze. There's no desire for a fight in him. No, rather, he knows how hard the upcoming mission may well be and he doesn't want to disrupt this time. Leaning forward, into the touch, his forehead touches Noh-Varr's.]

As long as you want.

[All may go to chaos on the planet's surface. Gliese's message has shown where are few cracks are, where he needs to help out. He has a half-dozen people who will be far more troubled than Noh, and no idea how to protect them all. At least right now he can have this moment.

His hands slide around Noh's waist, urging his lover closer.]

There's no one else I'd rather be with.

[Macha can bring its problems in its own time. But it is not here yet.]

IC Contact - Consignment

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