forgivetheinsubordination | IC Contact

FROM: braun.reiner@cdc.org

i can't tell you a lot

FROM: braun.reiner@cdc.org

but ok

FROM: vakarian.garrus@cdc.org

I'm just south of the camp. Your cuff'll be able to find me. Come by, let's talk.

[Reiner's guard is up when he tracks Garrus down, his features impassive. There's a tension in his jaw that isn't normally present, and he offers the turian a curt sort of nod. He isn't sure what to say, so for now, he doesn't. He knows Garrus hangs around Jean--to think he would know others isn't farfetched.

Maybe this was a bad idea. No, he knows it is.]

[He can see the tension in Reiner's body, and doesn't know if it's just about Reiner's past, or if it's the whole change in rank, too. It could be both. Either way, he's offered to talk for a reason. Holding this back is only going to hold Reiner back.

Garrus nods in return, gesturing at the blanket that's got a lot of sticks on it.]

Join me, Reiner. Not gonna bite. I'm here to listen.

[He isn't sure what to do. He sits.

The silence is awkward and ugly, threatening to choke him with how thick it is. When he starts to speak, it's a sudden rush of words, and he almost chokes on them.] I was thirteen. Bertolt was twelve, so was Annie. We had our mission. Infiltrate the walls and wipe them out from the inside.

[His knuckles are white and his fists tremble.]

Bertolt kicked open a hole from the outside. I destroyed the second gate. There was nothing stopping the titans from getting in and...

[He jerks a little, as though to dodge the memory.] There was no way they could evacuate all of the people past the second wall

[Young. Very young. Extremely young to be sent to ensure the death of a whole bunch of people. Second wall suggests some sort of layered city, too. And Reiner's not saying evacuate all of the soldiers, he's saying people.

Garrus is quiet for a moment. He likes humanity. Its got its flaws like any species does, but the galaxy would be an emptier place without humans running around. Then again, any species sending in twelve and thirteen-year-olds is probably desperate.]

Your peoples are at war, from what I've gathered. Humanity and... titans?

[Reiner's file doesn't say a species. Garrus had double-checked that while waiting for the guy. The safest guess is titans, from the bits he's heard from people from their world, but Reiner's just said 'the titans' as if he doesn't completely associate with them. Maybe Garrus is reading too much into the tense words.]

And breathe, Reiner. Please.

[He's being told for a reason. It's not just because Garrus asked, because Reiner could have said no. There's probably something the young man is seeking, too.]

My people fought with humanity once too. About forty years ago. Fighting happens, sometimes, when you get a couple of different species together.

Not titans.

[That's all he'll say on the matter, even if pressed. His head hurts, and he sucks in a slow, shaky sort of breath when Garrus tells him to. He doesn't want to think about this. He doesn't want to live knowing what he's done, but he can't give up now, not after he's come so far. His nails bite into his skin in a futile attempt to distract himself.

Garrus' words help. Reiner doesn't say anything at first, forcing his mind to wrap around that knowledge. Fighting...]

This isn't a fight. It's an extermination. Or it was.

Edited 2015-04-04 03:04 (UTC)

[Not titans. A third species? But the lack of elaboration speaks as much as words would - Reiner doesn't want to answer that question. Not yet, at least.

The young man's knuckles are going white as he digs his nails in, and the breath definitely isn't steady. Reiner isn't all right with what had happened. Garrus doesn't know that he can chalk it up to regret, though, no matter how much he'd like to. The last two words make his heart seize up, though.]

Was.

[If the wiping out is over, then Jean's dead. Mikasa's dead. Eren, Erwin, Levi, all of the ones he's met here are gone, but Jean is the one that really hurts. Garrus doesn't want to ask for clarification, doesn't want to know for sure that one of his young is lost due to the actions of another.

Garrus' subharmonics aren't completely steady as he speaks again. They're a little shaky, a little weighed down. Roxas is dead, Xion is probably dead, Jean... Every name on that list makes him realize that he can only keep them safe here.]

Can you tell me how it started?

[He can hear that strangeness in Garrus' already odd voice, and he isn't sure what the reason for it is.]

We had our mission. [Is all he says, deliberately staying vague. He knows that the turian is well-acquainted with Jean, and he doesn't deem it necessary to give anything away that could ruin them if they ever manage to get back home.]

But. Then things changed. [Eren. Searching for the Coordinate. So much that they hadn't expected. But they'd adapted, hadn't they? And then Annie had gotten caught, and...]

Even if I hate myself more than anything... I will see my home again. No matter what.

[Garrus shakes his head after Reiner answers, realizing how the boy took his question.]

I mean the conflict. How the conflict between titans and humans started. Not asking for military secrets.

[As much as he's worried for Jean, he can't ask for those. He won't betray the trust placed in him right now.]

Why do you hate yourself, now? You were fighting for your people, by the sounds of it.

[Reiner only shakes his head in turn.] I don't know. I was given my mission and knew I had to complete it. [Even if he knew, he's not sure he can bring himself to talk about it.]

Because I... betrayed them. Everyone. I forgot who I was, what my mission was... I thought I was a human soldier just like the rest of them, not a shifter.

Is my own selfishness justification for getting that many people killed?

You forgot, or you were made to forget? Because it's sounding like they did something when they sent you in.

[A war so old that nobody remembers the beginning? Is that how entrenched it is? That would make sense for humanity living behind twin walls.]

Is it so wrong to fight for what you believe in?

[Reiner hesitates.] I forgot. Who wants to live with the knowledge that they killed so many people selfishly?

They were just... people. Not involved. I chose to forget, like a coward, because I couldn't live with the guilt.

[His tone hardens.] The CDC knows I won't hesitate to wipe people out. That's why they recruited me.

[Willful forgetfulness. Garrus hasn't ever heard of that working before. He's quiet for a few moments before he looks over at Reiner.]

You won't? That's why guilt caused you that many problems? You're prepared to kill people selfishly?

[His tone is mild as he brings Reiner's words back around to the young man.]

How'd you get to that point?

[Because it's not a good point to be at.]

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